


the purple prince

by fauu_stine



Series: social media AUs [3]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Overdose, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slight Violence, Social Media AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 135
Words: 22,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26712526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauu_stine/pseuds/fauu_stine
Summary: Isak and Even used to be friends but they haven't seen each other in years. When they meet again, Even is like nothing Isak remembers. But maybe Isak has changed too and they both need to relearn each other.OR: a childhood friends to lovers AU
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Series: social media AUs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919482
Comments: 188
Kudos: 487





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> same, same than before: this is a social media AU originally posted on Twitter a few months ago but I'm reposting it on ao3 for safe keeping. This work contents lots of groupchats conversations, some Instagram/Twitter content, and of course written parts. I update multiple times a day. 
> 
> But I think you're actually quite a few to discover my AUs for the first time so thank you for reading me <3 and enjoy this third story!


	2. Chapter 2




	3. Chapter 3




	4. Chapter 4




	5. Chapter 5




	6. Chapter 6




	7. Chapter 7




	8. Chapter 8




	9. Chapter 9




	10. Chapter 10




	11. Chapter 11




	12. Chapter 12




	13. Chapter 13




	14. Chapter 14

Here's the thing: overall, Isak has a good relationship with his parents. He's very close to his mother, even more since he's learnt to understand her illness and how to help her live with it. It was hard a few years ago but he's older now, less scared, more rational. Magnus' own experiences and his advices has helped a lot, too, especially back in high school.

Regarding his relationship with his father, however, that's another story. Isak can't pinpoint the exact moment when it became this strained. All he knows is that for a long time they never had any problem getting along, until the day Isak stopped being a child in his father's eyes and from then on he never stopped telling Isak how to live his life. Which mainly meant criticizing his friends, his decisions and all of his dreams. 

Isak doesn't know why he doesn't stand up to him more often. What he knows is that for a long time he thought his father knew everything and was always right. It's hard to let go of that kind of belief then, and all the more so to speak up his mind. He isn't sure he knows how to, so he would rather not say a thing and suck it up.

This evening is the perfect illustration of what Isak hates about his father. But his mom's smile on the way to the Bech Næsheim's place is worth it; she seems so thrilled at the idea of seeing her old friends again. Isak tries to focus on it, too. He only has good memories of Sigrid and Jan as a kid, always kind and funny with him, so the dinner shouldn't be too bad if his father can shut up from time to time.

And of course, there is Even. They've known each other pretty much since he was born, and despite their two years age difference, they used to be inseparable. When Isak had nightmares, Even was there to tell him stories. When boys made fun of Isak's long hair, Even was there to remind him his haircut was "so cool". Even tried to teach him how to draw and stayed patient although Isak was very bad at it (and still is). Even was also always willing to play football with him, even if he didn't enjoy it like Isak did.

So for almost eleven years, they've been friends. Best friends, even, before Jonas showed up in Isak's life, right after Even and his parents moved out of Oslo. They wrote each other letters for a few months but as often happens, they lost contact along the way.

Isak is more than impatient to catch up with him, now that the opportunity is right in front of him.

Arrived at destination, it's Jan who opens the door for them, but Sigrid isn't far behind. They're smiling bright, just like Isak remembers them, as they welcome them inside their new home. 

"Marianne! It's so good to see you again!" Sigrid takes his mom into a warm hug. Almost thirty years ago, they met each other at university and became friends. Isak's mother knew Jan from high school but they didn't get close friends until Sigrid started dating him. A couple of years later, Isak's father joined as well.

As he's looking at the small group greeting each other with enthusiasm, Isak hopes he can have that kind of lifelong friendships with his own friends, too.

"Isak! What a handsome young man!" Jan compliments him and proceeds to shake his hand. He glances behind himself quickly. "Where is my son," he mumbles before yelling in the hallway, "Even? Hurry up!". 

"Always late," Sigrid comments with a gentle smile, the way moms do.

Isak hears footsteps and he waits expectantly, the whole situation creating suspense.

When Even finally shows up, Isak is for the least taken aback. 

Gone is the boy with the messy blond hair and the sunny smile. The young man he sees has long purple hair and an emotionless face. He's wearing black clothes, and as he stops right in front of him, Isak notices tattoos scattered on his uncovered skin, mainly his hands, leaving him to guess many others on the rest of his body. Isak has to raise his head higher than usual to meet his eyes - as if Even isn't intimidating enough like it is, he's extra tall, too. He has piercings on his lips and on his ears, and he's wearing black eyeliner, making the blue of his eyes even more striking.

Isak is left speechless and he stares at him for a bit too long. Even arches an eyebrow in response. 

"Even! It's so nice to see you again!" His mother saves the day, bless her, and he gives her the shadow of a smile. She doesn't seem the least offended but Isak can feel the judgment of his father right by his side. No surprise there, though. Even's look is enough to draw criticism from his very traditional and boring father.

"Do you want to see the place? Should we give you a tour before dinner?" Sigrid asks to his parents.

"Oh yes, please!" His mother agrees immediately. "Let's leave the boys together. They must have lots of things to talk about, right?"

"They do, indeed!"

"Even? Go show your room to Isak. Oh! And show him your drawings, it would be nice!"

Isak snorts, amused at their behavior as they disappear in another room. It's quite awkward, of course, being treated like they are 11 years old all over again, but Isak appreciates the effort to dissipate the discomfort.

When he turns his eyes back on his childhood friend though, he meets a very annoyed looking Even. 

"I'm not showing you shit," he says straight away. He takes a cigarette out of his pack and puts it between his lips. Isak finds himself staring, stunned… And maybe a little mesmerized, too. 

"Okay? Should we go outside instead?" Isak suggests, pointing at the cigarette briefly.

Even huffs. "Listen. It isn't because we used to be friends - and only because of our parents, let's be honest - that we are bond to be friends now." 

"Wow, alright," Isak mutters, by lack of better words. What the fuck is going on?

"We are not friends," Even keeps going and he takes a step closer to him. "And maybe we've never been," he concludes, bending over near Isak's ear. His breath hits Isak's face softy. Under other circumstances it would have felt like a caress, but right now, it almost feels like a slap. "Can you step out of the way now?"

It takes Isak way too long to process the demand and Even sighs in exasperation. Eventually, Isak gets out of the way and he has just enough time to turn around to see Even leaving the apartment in a hurry.

Great.

So much for a nice reunion.


	15. Chapter 15




	16. Chapter 16




	17. Chapter 17

Dinner is a boring affair for Isak. He spends it half listening to his parents and Even's parents conversation, only making a sound when someone is talking to him directly. Even, who's sitting right in front of him and came back from his smoking break 10 minutes late, earning himself an exasperated look from Jan, is even worse though. He isn't much of a chatty person, clearly, and his parents' insistent glances when someone is asking him a question barely make him open his mouth. Isak doesn't know if this is shyness or disdain, but taking into account how rude Even was with him earlier, he's tempted to say Even is just a dick.

Whatever. He doesn't care.

(Except he does, very much so, for some obscure reasons.)

He only feels bad for him when his father decides to be a jerk, too.

"So Even, what are you doing? Are you studying?"

Even doesn't even look up, takes his time to chew his bite before answering with a simple, "yes."

His father keeps staring at him, waiting for more and Sigrid clears her voice awkwardly.

"Even is studying at the university of Oslo. Medias and communication."

"Ah," his father nods, his judgment back in full force. Isak clenches his jaw. "Interested in journalism?"

"No," Even says in a bored whisper.

His father looks pissed and Isak enjoys it a little too much.

"Even is into art. He's trying out lots of different things for now," Sigrid clarifies again.

"Uh uh."

Even looks up this time, throwing a dark look at his father that he doesn't seem to notice.

"Isak is studying medicine," he announces like it's something to be acclaimed for. 

This time, it's too much. Isak stands up, all eyes directing on him as he does, even Even's.

"Hm… where is the bathroom?"

"At the end of the hallway," Sigrid indicates him with a kind smile.

"Even, help me clean the table and get the dessert ready, would you," he hears Jan as he's walking away from the dining table. His voice makes it clear they won't be talking dessert once in the kitchen.

Isak lets out a big sigh once he's alone in the hallway. Now he seriously wishes he was with his friends having fun at some uni party, far away from the tension.

He quickly finds the toilets, but he's distracted by the room right across it, the door ajar. From his position, he notices the mess on the floor - clothes, shoes, but also pieces of paper, canvas, brushes and paint pots - and then more drawings covering almost completely the black walls. 

Curiosity gets the better of him. One look can't hurt, right?

Isak steps inside. It is, without a doubt, Even's bedroom. The one he didn't want to show him earlier.

Fuck. 

He changes his mind quickly, realizing how wrong he is to walk in without permission, but then something gets his attention.

It's an old picture in a frame, sitting on Even's nightstand right by his bed. It's an old picture of Isak and Even when they were probably around 8. They have paint all over themselves, even in their hair, and they are smiling wide at the camera as they hug each other tightly.

Isak remains frozen for a while. He can't believe what he's seeing.

Why would Even keep a picture of them if he doesn't care? Why would he put it where he can see it at all time if he doesn't think they were friends in the first place?

Unless Even lied. Unless his words have nothing to do with his real thoughts and feelings.

Isak smiles.


	18. Chapter 18




	19. Chapter 19




	20. Chapter 20




	21. Chapter 21




	22. Chapter 22




	23. Chapter 23




	24. Chapter 24




	25. Chapter 25




	26. Chapter 26

Isak has only been living with Magnus for a bit over a month but he has learnt more about him than he did in three years of friendship. Magnus may be loud and outgoing and he often acts like he doesn't worry much about anything, takes life as it goes, but this is not everything. Under the first layers, Isak came to realize he's a very insecure person.

Deep down, Magnus thinks he's not attractive and not very bright either. His break up with Vilde during their last year of high school, which was Vilde's initiative more than anything, really hit him hard. To this day he still doesn't understand what he did wrong and even though they stayed friends, he's still secretly suffering from it. Most of all, he believes he won't get to be with anyone else any time soon, because he's "the funny friend" at best, but not the guy any girl would have a crush on. Or chase after. 

His first month at university hasn't been easy for him either. He told Isak once, when Magnus was a little bit tipsy and very much high, that he didn't know what to do with his life, he wasn't passionate about anything, really, and he only took medias and communication because he thought it would be easy. Because he thought he wasn't smart enough for "science and shit like what you do, Isak". Because he's talkative and he figured it could work in his favor in that kind of degree. Turned out, what had been asked from him is to sit for hours and listen and takes notes and memorize all of it. Which he didn't like at all, and struggled with quite a lot.

So when Magnus asks for him, Isak runs. Of course he does. And sure, sometimes Isak forgets. He's so used to their banters, of making fun of him and teasing him the same way Magnus does with him that sometimes he forgets. Maybe he still goes too far and says something hurtful to his friend, who never dares to point it out to him, because this is Magnus. This is who he is. But now Isak tries to be better and to draw a line. Banters is fine. That's part of their friendship, too. But he tries to be more careful with his words, and when Magnus complains about his class and actually asks for his presence, Isak doesn't hesitate and come.

That's why he's standing outside Magnus' lecture and came five minutes before the end of the course, just in case.

He doesn't even mind when people starts leaving and Magnus takes forever. Isak knows no matter how much he hates his courses, he still takes a lifetime collecting his stuff, and probably exchanges a few words with the other students. He doesn't mind, really. Except...

Except Isak was so concerned about Magnus than he forgot Even was in the same room, too. It only occurs to me when he actually ends up face to face with Even, who stops in front of him and looks back at him. He seems taken aback, mouth slightly ajar, but it's only for a moment. Quickly he recovers and starts walking again.

Isak doesn't know what comes over him then. One second he's watching Even leave, and the next he runs after him and grabs his arm to stop him. Needless to say Even doesn't look pleased at all. He gets away from Isak's grip immediately and glares at him.

"The fuck do you want?!"

"Sorry. Nothing. I mean… Hi?" He stutters like a big idiot. He's this close to slap himself.

Even stares at him and Isak wishes he could read his mind because he has no idea what he's thinking about. His face is a blank page, showing no anger anymore but no kindness either. 

Eventually, he shakes his head as if he's getting rid of some thoughts, and snorts. And that's it.

Isak tries hard not to take offense. 

He tries again;

"I'm sorry about my dad. About the other night. He's a prick. And… yeah."

And fails again;

"I really don't care about your father."

"Oh yeah, sure, of course."

Honestly, Even is making it very hard for him to keep fighting for him. He knows there is more under the appearance, he _feels_ it and he _saw_ it. But it seems like Even has no desire letting him in.

"I was thinking… Maybe we could hang out one of these days? To catch up, and just the two of us," he suggests, with no idea where all his courage comes from.

"Isak," Even says in long sigh. "I think you should stay away from me and forget about me. Okay? Great. Bye." He concludes without making any pause to let Isak protest.

And then he walks away. This time, Isak doesn't run after him.

Well, it was a complete failure.

Isak turns around, quite defeated, and sees Magnus waiting for him, not far away from him. It takes one look at his friend for him to figure it out.

 _Of course_ it was a set up. Why didn't he think about it before?

His voice resonates in the now empty hallway when he groans;

"Magnus, what the fuck."


	27. Chapter 27




	28. Chapter 28




	29. Chapter 29




	30. Chapter 30




	31. Chapter 31




	32. Chapter 32




	33. Chapter 33




	34. Chapter 34




	35. Chapter 35




	36. Chapter 36




	37. Chapter 37




	38. Chapter 38




	39. Chapter 39

Even arrived at the library ten minutes before 9 in the morning, just like his father has requested. But he arrived feeling like death, which was his own fault, really. The director and then the manager who explained to him his job didn't comment, but he was pretty sure his night was written all over his face. They didn't criticize his unusual style either, but surely his father must have told them beforehand.

He had barely slept two hours, and ended up crashing Kjell's couch just like old times. He couldn't risk to get caught sneaking in back home at 4 in the morning, not when he was too drunk to walk straight, smelt of weed, and most important, not when he was supposed to be sleeping at Isak's. He did sneak in, eventually, but not before his parents had left for work around 8. He took a quick shower to wash away his night, put clean clothes on and left right after.

Even already regretted using Isak as a cover story but if he didn't want his parents to know he fucked up once again, he didn't have any other choice. They didn't want him to have any sort of contact with his old crowd, let alone hang out with them with everything that it entails. And he didn't have any other friends - although, Kjell and the others could hardly be called friends, Even wasn't naive enough to think they cared about him beyond having him as a drinking buddy. So he was left with Isak, his childhood friend that his parents spent an hour praising after the reunion dinner. He knew tonight when he would go home they would sermon him for disappearing without telling them, but it was nothing compared to what trouble he would have ended up in if they knew who he really spent the night with and what he did with them.

Because it was different when it came to Isak; they loved him. They must have been so happy to hear they were spending time together. 

What a bunch of lies.

"You're Even, right? Is it your first day?" Someone interrupts his train of thought.

Even looks up. A young man around his age is standing in front of him on the other side of his desk. He remembers Even's manager explaining him that a few times a week kids from the school next door come to spend the afternoon at the library. The teacher - or the assistant teacher, which he guesses is the young man talking to him - read the children stories. They've been here for two hours now, disturbing the usual silence of the library, but Even doesn't mind. He likes kids. At that age, they don't know judgment yet.

"Huh, yes. First day," he answers and the guy smiles at him.

"Nice! I'm Yousef by the way," the assistant teacher - Yousef - says before extending a hand. Even stares at it a bit too long before snapping out of it and shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you, Even."

Even is, for the least, taken aback. This is the first time anyone has willingly spoke to him since the beginning of the year. The first time anyone has  _ smiled _ to him. At university, all the other students seem to avoid his gaze, which- whatever. Even tries to convince himself he doesn't care, even if he secretly does.

The only person who ever paid attention to him is Isak. But Even knows he's only doing it because he's blinded by the memory he has of him. Of them, as kids. That's why he can't let him in, can't let him get to know him. Because as soon as Isak will realize he's nothing like he used to be, he will leave him, crushing Even's hope and breaking Even's heart a little bit more in the process. 

But it's okay. Even's used to being alone by now.

"How's the job?" Yousef asks, apparently interested in keeping the conversation going.

Even tries his best not to stutter like an imbecile. He just can't believe Yousef is speaking to him, smiling at him, without throwing at him one of those judgmental glances Even always gets from strangers. He can almost hear their thoughts:  _ why is this freak doing here? What's wrong with this dude? Are you seriously letting the children see him looking like that? _

But Yousef seems genuine. Kind.

"You know... Saying hello to people. Keeping a record of the borrowed books. Put returned books back on their shelf. Basic stuff, really," Even explains eventually. 

Yousef nods. "Must be nice to work here. I mean, if you like silence and the smell of books. I know I do."

"I do too."

"Yeah, I had a good feeling about you," Yousef smiles. Even almost falls out of his chair. No one ever had a good feeling about him. No one. People usually distrusts him, and therefore avoids him. "Is it a full-time job or a student job?"

"Student job. I'm working a few hours here and there during the week depending on my classes and all day on Saturdays."

"That's chill, what-" Yousef is cut off by children's cries behind him. They both take a look at two kids arguing and Yousef sighs. "Sorry. I need to keep an eye on these troublemakers. But I hope we will run into each other again, I'm usually the one bringing them so..." 

"Sure. Go stop them from hitting each others with books." Even jokes and Yousef chuckles. Once again, he's weirdly happy about it. He can't remember the last time he made someone laugh, without involving him getting shitfaced and falling on the streets because he can't stand anymore.

_ I'm pathetic _ , he thinks.

"You're right. Anyway, it was great meeting you, Even. See you soon!" Yousef waves at him before leaving.

"See you," Even mumbles, even though he's long gone. 

He sits there for a while then, watching Yousef and the children from afar, and he can't help but think that after all, it's a pretty good first day.

He hasn't ruined everything yet.


	40. Chapter 40




	41. Chapter 41




	42. Chapter 42




	43. Chapter 43




	44. Chapter 44




	45. Chapter 45




	46. Chapter 46




	47. Chapter 47




	48. Chapter 48




	49. Chapter 49




	50. Chapter 50




	51. Chapter 51




	52. Chapter 52




	53. Chapter 53

So this party may be a disaster as far as Isak is concerned.

First, Magnus is completely wasted. He's currently dancing on a table, looking like a drunk chicken, and even worse than the sight itself, he's been signing on repeat  _ the best of both worlds  _ because apparently he saw an old episode of Hannah Montana on the TV before coming and it won't leave his mind. Isak is losing it a little bit.

Second, Chris disappeared half a hour ago with one of Magnus' classmate. Of course, good for her, but she's usually the one Isak has the most fun with at parties. Their favorite activity together is checking out guys and taking shots every time they both find one hot, which happens 90% of the time. But tonight, he's on his own.

Third and for last, Vilde convinced him to act like her boyfriend for the night because a jerk wouldn't stop asking her to dance. And Isak wants nothing more than to be a good friend but on the other hand, he thought he was done pretending to be into girls - even if it's for the good cause. And to be honest, he was hoping to forget about his embarrassing growing crush on Even with some random stranger tonight. Not gonna happen anytime soon with Vilde glued to his side.

Isak sighs and checks the time; it's nowhere near the time he could convince his friends to go home and if he leaves alone now, he will never hear the end of it.

"I think I will try to find Chris," Vilde says as she's getting on her tiptoes to get a better view of the crowd.

"She's probably making out somewhere with that guy," Isak warns her but she shrugs, not to worried about it apparently. "Alright. I will keep an eye on Magnus then," he adds. He's definitely not taking the risk of walking on Chris in the middle of a hooking up session in the bathroom. He will leave it to Vilde alone.

She nods and soon disappears in the sea of bodies. 

Remembering his supposed job, Isak looks up at Magnus right when he starts waving enthusiastically at someone in the room, yelling "heyyy come over here" and then proceeding to jump off the table, almost slipping and breaking his neck in the process. 

"For fucks sake," Isak mutters and decides to go after Magnus before he manages to hurt himself. Or hurt someone else.

He loses him for a minute or two but finally spots him in the back of the room, talking animatedly to someone while making grand gestures. Feeling bad for the person Magnus is bothering, he decides to play the babysitter once again and walks to them.

As Isak gets closer to him, he hears Magnus ask, "are you here to see Isak?", barely intelligible in his obvious drunken state but Isak is used to it by now. 

"Of course," the answer is, followed by chuckles. 

Isak stops dead in his track and his heart starts pounding fast inside his chest. He recognizes the voice, although he heard it only twice ever since it got so much deeper than in his memories. 

This is Even. Magnus is speaking to Even, telling him God knows what but probably the most embarrassing things about Isak, and he can't do anything to stop the tragedy occurring in front of him. 

Isak wants the ground to swallow him whole. Right.  _ Now _ .

"Oh, Isak! Look, it's Even!" Magnus starts yelling when they both notice his presence behind them. His roommate grabs him by the arm then, and pulls him closer to them. To Even. Who smirks at him.

Isak is mortified.

The worst thing is, Isak can't help but check him out. He's just too stunning for him to resist. Even is holding his jacket in one hand, thrown over his shoulder in a very casual (and sexy) way. He's wearing a white t-shirt, so tight that it leaves little to the imagination, and the short sleeves show to the world the constellation of tattoos he has running along his arms. He's also wearing an equally as tight pair of black jeans, ripped at the knees, and big black boots. As always his hair remains loose, a purple wave framing his ethereal face. When Even bites his lips for a second, Isak's eyes drop immediately on them, on how full (and kissable) they look and on the two shiny piercings he has on each side of his lower lip. Even starts smiling, noticing Isak's intense staring and Isak is dying a little (or a lot).

"Isak! He said he was here to see you!" Magnus interrupts.

"Did I?" Even asks, redirecting his attention on Magnus and chuckling. Again.

Isak is positive he heard him say it, too, but he's not going to fight him on it. It was probably a joke. Even was probably messing with a very drunk Magnus who asked too many questions.

"You… I think?" Magnus answers, turning in Isak's direction with a questioning look, as if he's expecting Isak to know the truth.

"Okay, Mags, let's go."

"What? No! I want to do shots with Even!" Magnus starts yelling again, attracting attention from people around them - Isak doesn't miss the surprise on their faces when they see them together, with  _ Even _ . In the meantime, Magnus reaches for Even's arm, clinging at him like a child.

Isak doesn't know if he's embarrassed or jealous. Probably both.

"Oh my God, Magnus, stop!"

Even laughs again. He doesn't even look bothered by Magnus' behavior, although he has every right to be considering he doesn't know him and Magnus is being way too handsy. For someone everybody's scared of, Even is proving himself to be a very kind and understanding person. Most people would have pushed Magnus away a long time ago.

Which makes Isak feel uneasy. Why is Even smiling, laughing and being so nice with Magnus but was cold and lowkey mean with Isak the past weeks? What has he done wrong?

Now Isak is definitely jealous.

"Wait. Isak," Magnus calls all of sudden, letting go of Even's arm. "I don't feel well."

"What?"

"I think I need to throw up."

"Oh fuck!"

Isak takes Magnus away from Even before this idiot decides to puke on Even's boots, or worse, his t-shirt. He pauses a microsecond, meeting Even's eyes. For the first time since the reunion dinner, his gaze is soft. Almost fond.

But Isak is probably projecting. Even doesn't care about him.

"Isak," Magnus groans again and next thing he knows, he's sitting on the floor of the unknown bathroom he has dragged Magnus into, looking after his stupid roommate while he throws up in the toilet. And no more Even in sight.

This party is officially a disaster.


	54. Chapter 54




	55. Chapter 55




	56. Chapter 56




	57. Chapter 57




	58. Chapter 58




	59. Chapter 59

"Are you seriously destroying a book right in front of me?" Even asks, no animosity in his voice, just surprise. He wouldn't have taken Yousef for a vandal.

Yousef showed up a hour ago at the library, past his working hours and therefore, alone, no kids surrounding him. He told Even he had to take care of a few things for tomorrow's reading but Even is seriously doubting it now, because he left barely five minutes, wandering among the shelves, before coming back and sitting at Even's desk as if he belongs there. He has a book in his hands and he has been highlighting passages with a yellow fluo for a while now - hence Even's remark.

"Yeah, right," Yousef huffs. "This is my very personal copy, who do you think I am?" 

"So you came all over here to read your own book."

"Why not?" Yousef shrugs and smiles at him briefly before going back to his work.

Even doesn't push further and stops himself from grinning.

"What is it?"

Yousef lifts up the book so Even can read the cover. It says: The Little Prince. 

"Ever heard of it?" 

"Yes but I can't remember if I ever read it," Even admits. 

"You should read it."

"It's a kids' book though."

Yousef arches an eyebrow, visibly disagreeing, and he's quick to let him know in what way. "I think most people, especially adults, would learn a lot from this book. It's more than a book for children."

He doesn't say it in a patronizing way, more like a passionate way, like anyone would get excited and a little bit defensive over their favorite book. Even is intrigued.

"Okay so tell me, what did you just highlight?"

Yousef smiles, pleased by his question. He explains, "so for the context, the little prince met a fox in the desert. And this is what the fox tells him," and then he looks down at the book to read the quote, " _ If you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world. _ "

Even frowns. "Why would the fox willingly give away his freedom to the little prince? Why would he allow him to control him?"

"So they could be friends."

"It doesn't make any sense. To tame doesn't mean to befriend someone," Even retorts, maybe a bit too harsh, and he winces with embarrassment. It's just a story. Why is he taking it so seriously?

Thankfully Yousef doesn't take offense. On the contrary, he smiles at him and then says, "funny that you're saying that, actually. In the book the little prince asks the fox what does "tame" mean. And do you know what the fox answers?" Even shakes his head and Yousef goes back to his book, once again, to read a quote, " _ It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties. _ "

"Oh."

The thing is, Even has been alone and lonely for a very long time. At first, because people wouldn't try to get to know; he was too different, he was also too much work. And then, because he figured he would rather be alone and lonely than with people who would only accept him if he changed, if he became what they wanted him to be.

As painful as loneliness is, losing himself seems way more threatening to Even. It's hard enough when you have a brain like his, inconsistent and unpredictable, so how could he keeps going if he couldn't even rely on the little free will he had left?

"Maybe being close to people is to be vulnerable. Sure, it gives them a certain power over us... But it's not necessary a bad thing, you know? Sometimes it makes us stronger. We just have to accept to work together. To change a little too, sometimes. But if they love you they will accept you the way you are, and they will only care about helping you to be the best version of yourself."

Even doesn't say anything. He can't find the right words, and truth to be told, even if he could, he isn't sure he would be capable of talking. He has to close his eyes for a moment, so all the emotions he feels raising inside him don't try to spill out of him.

When he opens his eyes again, Yousef is still reading. Good.

"Can I get one of your Post-it, please? And a pen?" He asks without looking back at Even, as if he knows Even is feeling too raw and open right now to handle human' eyes on him.

"Sure," he whispers and hands him the two furnitures. 

Yousef writes on the Post-it before slipping it between the pages of his book and closes it.

"I have to go, it's time for my FaceTime session with Sana," he announces.

"Sana?"

"My girlfriend. She's studying abroad so that's our own version of a date I guess," Yousef clarifies with a fond smile.

"Nice."

Yousef stands up and puts his bag on his back, the book still in his hand.

"You should read it," he says and puts the book on the desk, near Even. "See you tomorrow!"

"See you."

Even stares at the book for a long time before picking it up. As he flips through it slowly, he finds the page where Yousef left his Post-it.

It's a phone number. Yousef's phone number, followed by seven words:  _ text me if you feel like it _ . 

Seven words that change everything for him. Seven words that feel like hope.

Even goes back at the beginning of the book and starts reading.


	60. Chapter 60




	61. Chapter 61




	62. Chapter 62

In all honesty, Isak doesn't know what he's doing. He didn't think it through before leaving his place and now, he's seriously starting to question his actions.

If he was being rational, he would know showing up at Even's workplace to see him, completely unannounced and after only two cordial, very short and not even face to face conversation, is a bad idea. If he was being rational, he would realize this is pushing his own luck and this is also way too prematurate. But Isak isn't being rational at all; he's acting on a spur-of-the-moment decision, based on his feelings and not on his mind. It took him on the tramway, then walked him on the streets all the way to the library, and now it's leading him inside the building. 

Isak knows he's being foolish. But he cares more about a glimpse of Even, a few words, and maybe - maybe ! if he's lucky enough - the shadow of a smile, than he cares about the high probability of his reckless decision to be a huge mistake.

He wants to see Even, he wants to talk to him, he wants to figure him out once and for all. And he had decided today is the right day to do so.

Unfortunately, Even isn't on the same page.

"What are you doing here?" Even asks the second Isak shows up at his desk. 

He was typing on his computer, his eyes going back and forth between a pile of books and his screen, when Isak approached him with a wide smile and a high-pitched "hi". Even looked startled at his voice and he stared at Isak a long time, the surprise on his face slowly dissipating into his well-known indifference, before he started questioning his presence. 

"I wanted to see you," Isak admits without thinking and then blushes, realizing how sappy and slightly desperate he must sound.

Isak notices the way Even swallow slowly at his words, his eyes follow the movement of his Adam's apple and the veins running along his throat.

"Isak," Even sighs, and Isak wishes he wouldn't speak with so much hardness in his voice. He wishes he could hear Even pronounces his name the same way he used to do it, soft and fond, like something precious his tongue better treat with care. "Go home. I don't have time for this."

Isak's heart breaks a little at that, and all his foolish hopes fall on the ground at his feet in less than a second.

"But why-"

"No," Even cuts him off immediately. "I don't want to see or talk to you. Just leave."

If someone came to punch him in the stomach, Isak figures it would feel exactly the same. Actually, Isak wishes someone had punched him instead of this.

Even stands up then, picks up the pile of books from his desk and walks away, further into the library, without giving Isak a second look, without giving him  _ anything _ . 

Nothing that Isak can hold on to, no hope that deep down Even already regrets his words.

And being left with nothing, he can't do anything but leaves the library. But leaves Even alone, like he's asked him too many times already.


	63. Chapter 63




	64. Chapter 64




	65. Chapter 65

When Isak is back at Even's desk, it's empty, so he starts looking for him among the numerous book shelves. But he doesn't have to wander very long before catching a glimpse of purple hair down a row: Even is standing next to a trolley and he's putting some books away. His movements are slow, his gaze distant and pensive, and he's biting his lips; which, Isak knows, is what he usually does when he's deep in his thoughts. 

Isak's footsteps are what alert Even of another presence and he stares at Isak walking towards him with a stunned expression. Obviously he didn't expect to see him again so soon - or probably ever.

"Isak, what-"

"No, you don't get to talk. It's my turn," Isak cuts him off this time. He's probably speaking way too loud for the place but he doesn't care. "Why are you behaving like a jerk?"

Even's blinking at him like he can't believe Isak is real and it takes him way too long to reply, "because that's who I am." It's low and weak though, and it reinforces lsak's suspicions: Even is lying. Even is putting on an act for him. But why? That's what Isak can't figure out.

So, "bullshit," Isak claims and moves to close the distance between them. This way they are standing just a breath away from each other, so close that if one of them took a step forward their bodies would be perfectly pressed together. 

From his position, Isak can study every single one of the moles scattered across Even's neck and left cheek. It leaves him a bit breathless, the proximity, but he makes sure to hide it. This isn't the right time to be a blushing mess.

And once again, Even looks taken aback by his boldness. If Isak didn't know any better, he would even dare to say Even looks fluttered. But he does know better, right?

"Bullshit," Isak repeats, and then takes a deep breath before adding, "if you want nothing to do with me, why do you have a photography of the two of us on your nightstand?"

And right then and there, Isak can see Even's defenses starting to crumble.


	66. Chapter 66

Surprising him is something Isak has always been very good at, although Even suspects him of not being aware of it at all. When Even was 7 and his aunt June died, lsak is the one who held his hand throughout the funeral. He's also the one who, as Even cried all night, had kissed his eyelids and kissed his tears away until he fell asleep. When Even was 9, Isak is also the one who pressed his lips against his for the first (and only) time, behind a tree during a hide-and-seek game, because he had heard a boy from his class bragging about kissing his "girlfriend" and when two people like each other "they have to kiss". When Even was 12 and he had to move away, Isak is the one who suggested they would write each other every day although he hates writing, and then gave Even a few years old photography of them.

It's the same photography Even keeps in a frame on his nightstand. He had it when he was living far away from Isak and he still has it now that he's back in Oslo. And he would never let go of it.

He has no idea how Isak knows about it, though. 

Even is 21 and for the first time in years, Isak Valtersen is back at surprising him. And he hates how deep down he doesn't hate it one bit.

_ "If you want nothing to do with me, why do you have a photography of the two of us on your nightstand?" _

It's a very good question, but a question Even isn't ready to answer yet, no matter how guilty he feels for pushing Isak away, for hurting him over and over again. 

So instead he asks, "how do you know?" and he can hear how his voice is shaking with emotion.

He's losing control. Again.

"I saw it," Isak says simply. "When I was at yours a few weeks ago."

Even has to turn away from him. He just can't stand Isak's eyes staring back at him, studying him,  _ reading  _ him. He can't deal with Isak's eyes on him, because they make him want to open his heart to him. 

But he also knows it would mean getting his heart thrown out on the ground and stomped on eventually, and by no one else but the very and only person who ever had a real claim on it in the first place.

"Even," Isak whispers behind him, sending shivers down his spine. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But at least give me a chance. Don't turn your back on me without giving me a proper chance."

Even isn't sure what kind of chance Isak is asking him nor what he really wants from him. He isn't sure the risk is worth taking either, especially since he already knows how it's going to end. And yet.

Yet, he hears himself say, "I'm done in 30. We can hang out after," and he doesn't need to turn around and look at Isak to know that he's smiling.


	67. Chapter 67

It's cold and dark outside when they leave the library together but Isak's smile shines as bright as the sun. And Even can't stop himself from looking.

He couldn't stop himself from stealing glances at Isak back inside either, as he was sitting with a book, waiting for him. He was frowning slightly, the way he always did when he was focused on something. It's funny, Even thinks, how much Isak changed (his long blond hair has been replaced by dark blond curls, his boyish features turned into sharper edges and strong muscles) but also how much he didn't (the curve of his lips, the color of his eyes and the small gap between his teeth… as well as his kindness, and his determination, too).

"So… how was it? Brø- Bø…" Isak stops, smile faltering and cheeks slightly colored by embarrassment. 

"It's okay. It's not a city anyone needs to remember the name of," Even sighs. "It's small and cold and depressing."

"It must have been beautiful sometimes, too, no?" 

Even snorts. If he knew. "I didn't see the beauty of it I guess."

"So you didn't like it there?"

"Not really, no." It was an understatement. But how was he supposed to explain to Isak that his whole life has turned to shit the moment he has left Oslo without sounding pathetic?

"Oh. But people were nice to you, right?"

_ People _ . It reminds him of what Sartre once said: "Hell is other people". Even got a good taste of it, among other things.

"Right."

"What made you decide to come back to Oslo then?" Isak asks next and Even has to hold back a groan. "Because you came here before your parents did, that's-"

"You're asking way too many questions," Even interrupts him, the words spilling out of him before he has time to stop himself. He hates how harsh he's being with Isak, but he can't help it. His anger and his pain are getting the best of him.

"You're acting way too mysterious," Isak points out eventually. Although he still has a small smile in the corner of his mouth, Even can tell he's testing his patience.

"It's not an act, that's who I am."

This time Isak laughs but it sounds sad.

"What?"

"Nothing," Isak shrugs and looks down at his feet, his smile gone.

They keep walking in silence for a while, until Even realizes Isak has taken them back to the tram stop. He isn't sure whether Isak is sick of him yet, if he's giving up on him, or if he thinks Even is the one who doesn't want to try and it's a lost cause. In all fairness, Even isn't giving him much to work with, he knows that. 

So he decides to wreck his brain for something to say that doesn't involve him directly.

"What were you reading back at the library?" 

Isak's eyes light up at the question and his hands find the bag he's been carrying on his right shoulder. He opens it just to show Even the book - something about astrophysics.

Even smiles, "so  _ you _ 're the nerd!"

"Maybe," Isak grins shyly. 

"Okay so tell me what it is about."

"It's complicated and boring, you wouldn't like it," Isak mumbles, looking almost embarrassed now. 

"Are you saying I'm too dumb to understand?" Even decides to tease him.

Isak freaks out immediately, "no! Not at all, I didn't say that!" 

Even reaches out and squeezes his arm to calm him down. He only realizes what he's done when Isak doesn't say anything else and stares at the hand touching him.

Even takes his hand away. "I was kidding," he says.

A tram stops in front of them but none of them make a move.

"It's just a bunch of theories about the universe," Isak explains after the tram left.

"Oh, the universe. So nothing big I see."

Isak chuckles. "Yeah. Nothing big."

"So what about it?"

"You really want to know?"

"Why not?"

Isak smiles softly and shrugs. "Alright." He licks his lips slowly and Even follows the movement from the corner of his eye. "So, long story short, there are two theories that explain our universe. Quantum mechanics is the theory that describes nature at the microscopic level, such as atoms, and General Relativity is the theory that describes the infinitely large, such as galaxies, black holes or the big bang. Now, what scientists are trying to do is to unite these two theories into one: the theory of everything."

Listening to Isak talk about science has always been something Even loved, even though he didn't understand much of it or didn't really care in the first place. Sure, physics has never been his field. But it was Isak's, still is, and Even could find everything Isak said fascinating. He has always loved watching him getting passionate and lose himself in his enthusiasm about universe and atoms and stars. Just like now.

"So let me guess, it's hard?" Even jokes.

"Hard is an understatement. So far, it's been almost impossible because both theories rely on completely different properties," Isak says with a serious look. Even fights a smile. "But nowadays, there are two working theories in progress. The first one is the String theory and the second is the Loop Quantum Gravity."

"I think I've heard of the first one."

"Probably, it's the most famous one," Isak nods. "Ironically, it's also the most difficult one because it's a huge mess of mathematics and lots of things don't make sense. But basically, it supports the idea of the multiverse. There would be an infinite number of parallel universes. Whatever has to happen will happen. Our reality, right now, is just one among an infinite number of others. Isn't it amazing?" Isak grins.

"It's a bit scary, though," Even says carefully. He doesn't want to be a killjoy but he just doesn't get what's so amazing about it. Because it means an infinity of Even's got it better than him and he's the one who's stuck in this reality, full of regrets. And lonely. 

Isak frowns. "How so?"

Even shakes his head and asks instead, "what about the other one?"

Isak doesn't look happy about one of his questions being dismissed,  _ again _ , but he goes along with it. "The Loop Quantum Gravity. It says that maybe the big bang was actually a "big bounce." Based on the data we have, it's possible that our universe was created out of the collapse of a previous universe. You know those déjà-vu feelings? Maybe they're just residual memories. Maybe our universe is just another repetition of a previous universe. Maybe the universe keeps growing and then collapsing over and over again."

"Like an endless loop," Even comments in a whisper. What's the worst then? Knowing he could have had a better life in another universe? Or being trapped in the same one, having to experience the same painful events over and over again, and without even being aware of it? 

Why does every single one of their theories make Even feel even more lonely? Powerless. "So we got no control over it? We are just stuck?"

"What do you mean?"

"What about free will?"

"Actually, some scientists think we don't have free will and that everything we do is predetermined. There are a couple of experiments showing it, like..." Even doesn't say anything but his face must be enough because he notices the way Isak studies him and then stops his rant. 

"But you know, for every scientist who makes a statement, another one can prove he's wrong," Isak adds, his voice soft and careful. And this time, he's the one initiating contact. Isak is the one brushing his fingers against Even's wrist, tentative at first, before he presses them gently against his pulse point. "At the end of the day, there are just theories."

A new tram arrives. This is Even's. Isak's fingertips slide slowly along his hand before he lets go. Even shivers, although he isn't cold.

"It's a shame you're not studying what you love the most," Even comments without looking at him.

"Why?"

"Because it's beautiful to hear you talk about it."

He hears Isak gasp right when he steps inside the tram.


	68. Chapter 68




	69. Chapter 69




	70. Chapter 70




	71. Chapter 71




	72. Chapter 72




	73. Chapter 73




	74. Chapter 74




	75. Chapter 75




	76. Chapter 76




	77. Chapter 77




	78. Chapter 78




	79. Chapter 79




	80. Chapter 80

**English translation of the poem:**

_O my sole love, I pray thee pity me,_

_From out this dark gulf where my poor heart lies,_

_A barren world hemmed in by leaden skies,_

_Where horror and blasphemy fly at night;_


	81. Chapter 81




	82. Chapter 82




	83. Chapter 83




	84. Chapter 84




	85. Chapter 85




	86. Chapter 86

Even is cutting mushrooms in the kitchen when his father comes back from work. He seems surprised to find him here - at the exception of last Sunday, it's been a while since Even's been cooking -, but after a few seconds he whispers a "hello" with a tentative smile. Even does the same in return, but he's thankful to have a knife in his hands and therefore to have an excuse to quickly refocus on his task.

He hears his father opening the fridge, and then asking, "do you want a beer?". 

Even stops his movements, taken aback. They used to do this a lot: cooking together, sharing beers, chatting and joking. But it was before Even ruined the trust his father had in him; before he betrayed him, in a way. After that, his father became to suspicious and wary towards his son for them to share that kind of moment again.

Of course, Even is well aware that it's his own fault. Although, for a long time, he didn't want to acknowledge it. 

"Yes, thank you," Even replies eventually. His father grabs two beers, opens them and then offers one to him. 

"Can I help you with anything?" 

Even pauses again for a moment. So they are really doing it?

"You can chop the shallot and the onion if you want."

After that, his father remains standing in front of the counter, back to Even, and silence settles in the small kitchen. It's the kind of silence that lingers between people who definitely love and care for each other, but can't figure out how to communicate anymore.

They don't share a word until Even is done with the mushrooms and has to sneak next to his father to get the grater for the parmesan cheese.

"Sorry," Even whispers when his father has to stop his work and step back to let him access the right kitchen cupboard.

"No, I'm sorry," his father says all of sudden. Even glances at him, confused, but one look at him is enough for him to understand this isn't about cooking. "I'm sorry I've been so harsh on you. I should have been more understanding."

For a long time, Even was so angry at his parents and especially at his father that he was convinced an apology - an admission of responsibility - was the least they could do for him. Now though, now that he's started to see things differently, a bit more for what they really are, he feels nothing but remorse. 

That's why Even ends up sighing and shaking his head. "You've been nothing but patient with me, and for years. I'm the one who fucked up. I lied to you. I've been awful."

"You were in  _ pain _ ," his father says with a trembling voice and Even has to turn away from him, the same way he did with Isak back at the library more than a week ago, to hide his face. To hide the emotions submerging him.

"Even," his father calls him, gently, carefully; but Even can't bring himself to move. "I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you for fighting all those years although life has never been easy on you. I'm proud of you for getting better now. My only wish in this life will always be for you to be happy. That's the only thing I care about."

By the time his father is done speaking, his voice is shaking and almost breaks into a sob.

"Fifty years and I still don't know how to chop onions without crying," he tries to joke but it only shatters Even's heart even more.

Because the last time he has seen his father like this, it was his doing, too. It was the day Even woke up in a hospital bed, his lies and his mistakes finally exposed. It was the day he has been so eaten up by guilt and self-hatred that he couldn't do anything else but turn against the people who loved him the most, no matter what he did. 

It was the day he told his own father - rightly disappointed by his behavior, stunned by the person his son has become:  _ it's your fault if I'm here. Years ago you took my life away from me, so that's your fault if I'm like this _ .

And Even will forever regret saying those words. He doesn't know what it's like to be a father, only know how to be a son, and most often than not, a bad one, but he can imagine those are the kind of words a father never forgets. Those are the kind of words that are going to haunt his father in his sleep for a long time, and perhaps all his life.

Even wishes nothing more than being able to take them back. 

But he can't. So he resolves himself to finally turn around, to finally face what scares him. If he can't make things disappear, at least he can try to fix them, to smooth them. 

He keeps his eyes on his father as he starts to walk slowly to him, and then Even is hugging him for the first time in what feels like an eternity. He wraps his arms around him and presses his face between his father's shoulder blades. Soon enough, he feels his father's hands on top of his.

"I'm sorry," he murmures. It doesn't erase everything, but it's a start, right? "I'm sorry."

Immediately, his father turns around and takes him into his arms, holds him tighter, until it feels like everything's going to be okay again.


	87. Chapter 87




	88. Chapter 88




	89. Chapter 89

On Friday, it's snowing when they leave the campus together. Even has snowflakes in his hair, and lsak is dying to come closer and slip his fingers along the soft strands.

He doesn't do it though. He isn't sure he's allowed to.

They walk together to Frogner Park, the journey occurring in a blink of the eye as they talk, the topics flowing naturally: Even tells him a bit about his job at the library and his lectures at university, and jokes about his chaotic studying sessions with Magnus; Isak bounces back by sharing anecdotes about his daily life with his messy roommate, shares a few of his high school memories, and lets himself complain about how much he dislikes his degree and wishes he hadn't listened to his father. 

And he appreciates Even more than ever when he doesn't point out how Isak is free of his own decisions, and instead acknowledge how easier it is to just follow your parents' expectations, and not to fight them on it. This is the first time someone doesn't try to tell him what to do but just listen to him. That's when Isak realizes that, even after all those years, they still understand each other as well as they used to when they were kids. With no judgment, only compassion for one another. And it feels right. It feels great.

At the park, they climb the stairs up to the monolith surrounded by statues and they stand side by side, watching the view in front of them, the park covered by a pristine blanket of snow. The wind is bitterly cold but Isak wouldn't go home for anything. Not now. Not so soon.

In the distance, Isak spots a family playing in the snow and it brings back a fond and cherished memory to him. A memory both Even and him are part of.

"I remember your 7th birthday," Isak says, grinning as he recalls this special day. "It was snowing just like today, maybe even more. June took us sledging. We were freezing after a hour of falling and rolling around into the snow. Yet we didn't want to go home. We kept insisting on staying so June let us. She would hold us in her arms to try to keep us warm while we took turn on the sledge."

Isak pauses to check on Even, glancing at him from the corner of his eye. He's staring at nothing in the distance but he's smiling, too, although it's small and bittersweet. Isak was a child when he has witnessed what losing June did to Even, but he remembers clearly seeing the same kind of smile on Even back then too, everytime they would speak about her. 

Even didn't like hearing other people talk about her, not even when it was his mother, June's own sister. The only one who was allowed to do so was Isak. And it looks like it hasn't changed a bit.

"It's one of my favorite memory of her. Of us, all together. You were so happy that day," Isak adds with a soft voice, shifting his body slightly towards Even to get a better look at him.

"Me too," Even sighs. "Sometimes, when it's snowing like today, I can almost hear her laugh in the wind," he adds in a whisper, like a secret only Isak and the memory of June are allowed to hear.

Isak grabs his hand and squeezes it gently. It's cold, so he intertwines their fingers together, partly to warm him up, partly because it feels good and he has wanted it for a very long time.

Even squeezes back in response.

They stand in this position for a while, silent, pensive, until Isak hears Even take a sharp intake of breath.

"Do you… do you remember how June was… unwell. Sick?"

Of course Isak does. He didn't understand it back then, he was too young to fully grasp it, but it was the first time he's heard about mental illnesses and what it could do to someone - what it could do to a family. So he remembered. 

Especially since a few years later, his mother got diagnosed, too. He's fairly certain it isn't the same trouble June suffered from, but when it happened he had no idea, all he knew was that June was gone and he didn't want the same thing to happen to his mom.

It didn't, thankfully. He still has his mother and he will forever be grateful for it.

But he didn't forget about June, and never will he. He never forgot anything about her, because she deserves to be remembered. His affection for her was nothing compared to Even's love for her but it was still something he has felt deep in his bones.

And he would keep it that way. For her and for Even, too.

"Yes, I do," Isak says carefully. "She had some kind of mood disorder, right?"

Even nods, still staring resolutely at the white expenses of the park.

"Right. Bipolar. That's what she had," he clarifies. He pauses again. Plays nervously with his fingers, bounces a little the way he does when he's nervous. All the while Isak waits, patient. 

And then Even says it; 

"That's what I have, too."

It takes a moment for the information to sink in. Isak knows right away it won't change anything to the way he feels about Even, but he also knows it matters - it's not nothing. The same way he got scared for his mother, he's scared for Even, too.

Not  _ of  _ him, of course not, he could never. But he's afraid of the pain and the despair Even must have felt in the past, alone and away from Isak. He's afraid of what Even must have felt when he learnt he shared the same affliction than June, the same disease who took her away from him years ago.

Isak couldn't even begin to imagine what Even went through.

"Okay," Isak nods. He pulls on Even's hand gently to get his attention, to get him to turn towards him so they are facing each other.

"Okay?" Even asks, shy and uncertain, sending a twinge of sadness to Isak's heart. 

"Of course."

Isak isn't sure who moves first but soon enough they are hugging each other, arms sliding around waists, hands pressing into shoulder blades to get as close as possible. Isak buries his face into the crook of Even's neck and breathes in, taking into the familiar smell of his childhood friend. Of his long lost best friend.

Of the man he feels so deeply for.

"It's okay," he whispers and starts running his fingertips over Even's back, drawing invisible patterns to soothe him.

"Thank you," he hears Even mumble, his own face hidden in Isak's curls but his lips moving close to his ear. "Thank you."

Isak wants to tell him he doesn't need to thank him but the words stay stuck inside his throat. He can feel Even's heart beating fast against his chest and it's all he can focus on. Even, breathing and alive, holding him just as tight as Isak does.


	90. Chapter 90

Even decided to walk Isak home, and it's without a doubt the best decision he's made in a long time because Isak hasn't let go of his hand once. They've been holding hands in the most natural way from the parc to the bus stop, and then for the entire bus ride. Even now, as they are approaching Isak's building, their fingers are still perfectly intertwined.

"So that's here," Isak announces eventually, stopping in front of the building's front door. They don't let go of each other though, and keep their eyes locked. "Do you… Do you want to come up?" Isak asks, cheeks flushed, maybe from the cold, or maybe from what's on his mind.

Of course, part of Even wants to say yes and finally let himself have this. But another part, louder, reminds him it's too fast. He still needs to process their discussion at the park, and there are still too many things Isak doesn't know, things Even needs to work up the courage to share. And he doesn't want to jump into whatever Isak suggests, he doesn't want to lose himself in what they could have and could be together before he's ready to open up about everything. What he's felt, what he's done and what he's still afraid of.

That's why he eventually offers a smile to Isak but shakes his head in disagreement, "another time. I need to go home."

The disappointment is clear on Isak's face. So, quickly, Even tries to come up with something to make him smile and laugh again. Because it's not a no; it's only a not now.

"I mean, I wouldn't want you to lock me up. I'm still not sure what your intentions are with me," he teases, brushing his shoulder against Isak's to invite him to play along.

It works. Isak rolls his eyes at him and retorts, "this joke is getting old, Even! And you should worry about Magnus, not me. He's talking way too much about you for a "study buddy". At this rate he's going to propose to you by next week."

Even laughs, amused by Isak's apparent annoyance regarding Magnus' behavior with him. "That's good to know. I will keep my options open," he banters back.

"Oh yeah, because you have an awful lot of options those days."

Even studies his face for a second, intrigued. Isak doesn't seem sarcastic at all. "An awful lot?"

"Yeah. Yousef. Magnus," Isak enumerates before leaving his voice hanging, as if he's thinking something he doesn't dare to say out loud. That's when it finally strikes Even: he's jealous. Isak, his beautiful boy, the only one he's ever had in his head and his heart, is feeling jealous. Even knows he shouldn't like it as much as he does, and he really tries to bite back a grin, but fails at it almost right away.

"You?" He adds, arching a teasing eyebrow.

Isak hums in question, feigning ignorance.

"Yousef. Magnus. And you. Right?"

Isak opens and closes his mouth a couple of times in surprise before he finally manages to exclaim, "oh shut up, Even! That's not true!"

"Oh, it's not true?" Even repeats, taking a step closer to Isak. That way their height difference is felt all the more and for a moment, he considers cornering Isak against the door of the building, to tease him a bit more and try out how crimson his face could turn. To, maybe, press their bodies together and steal a kiss or two.

But he has resolutions to stick to, so he doesn't. Even if it's definitely killing him from the inside.

"Does it matter?" Isak asks then, his voice sounding weirdly insecure.

"What do you mean?" 

Isak sighs then, and leans against the front door, looking way too defeated for Even's liking. "I just… I don't get it. Everytime I think I figured you out, everytime I think we both want the same thing, you say or do something that proves me otherwise," he explains, a pout on his lips Even is dying to kiss away.

"I'm fairly certain we both want the same thing."

Fuck his resolutions, talking can wait Even decides.

"Don't worry," Even keeps talking and raises a hand to cradle Isak's jaw. He runs his thumb along his cheek, stroking his cheekbone gently a couple of times before stopping his finger in the corner of Isak's mouth. Even sees him exhales and closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them again, the green of his eyes is slowly getting eaten up by blown pupils. "Don't worry," he repeats again before adding with a grin, "you're the only friend I want to make out with."

"Stop talking," Isak groans and finally gets his hands on Even. He grabs him by his coat and draws him against him, chin up, ready to smash their lips together.

It's barely a brush of lips before someone opens the building's front door and Isak falls backwards with a high pitched yelp. Even has just the time to hold himself back on the doorframe and to catch Isak's arm before he crashes into-

A very pissed neighbor who yells, "what the fuck are you doing?! Don't lean on the door! And step out of the way," before getting out of the building in a hurry.

Even barely holds himself back long enough to see him disappear in the street before bursting out laughing.

"Oh my God, Even, it isn't funny! This is my neighbor, he hates me and Magnus enough already!" Isak complains, mortified. 

"Sorry. Are you alright?" He manages to ask, but only because he has to stop laughing to catch his breath.

The dark look he gets in return is enough of an answer.

"Maybe it was a sign," Even points out, "that I need to go home. Stop distracting me, I told you enough already."

This time Isak smiles, even if it remains small. "Alright."

"We will talk about it, okay? I'm not running away from you."

"Promise?"

Even comes over to him and lays a quick kiss on his cheek before stepping back again. "Promise."


	91. Chapter 91




	92. Chapter 92




	93. Chapter 93

Isak's mother greets him with tea and freshly baked cookies. She seems to be having a good day, and Isak doesn't know if it's related to his visit, but she can't stop smiling and for him, that's the most important.

When Isak first arrived, he asked if his father was home, just to be sure, and she confirmed he was at work with the kind of knowing look that meant she knew exactly what he was trying to do. She didn't make any comment though, didn't scold him for avoiding his own father. Instead, she hugged him and took him to the kitchen with an amused grin.

To be honest, Isak didn't come just to see his mother. Or, that is, not only. He wanted to talk to her about Even, about what his feelings for the other boy meant for him. It's something he's wanted to do for a long time, but he's never had the courage to do it before. Now though, it feels like the right time to do so.

Except, as so often, his mother seems to have a sixth sense. Because when he tells her in the most casual way possible, "Even is saying hi by the way," he doesn't miss the smile hidden in the corner of her mouth. It speaks volume on her true thoughts.

"Oh, really? He's sweet. You should bring him next time."

Isak feels himself blush under his mother's eyes. He's almost convinced she can read on him that barely 24 hours ago he was more or less begging his childhood friend to kiss him.

"Yeah. Okay. Sure," he mumbles, playing with the crumbs of his cookie to avoid looking back at her. He only looks up in surprised when he hears her laugh softly.

"Remember when you were a child and you asked me if you could marry Even?"

"What?!" Isak exclaims in a strangled voice. It's the last thing he was expecting her to say.

"You were adorable," she keeps going, grinning at the memory. "Everytime someone said something like  _ when two people like each other, it's normal for them to do this or that... _ , your first thought was to ask me if you could do it with Even."

Isak certainly didn't remember any of it. He couldn't believe even as a child he had been so obvious about his feelings for Even. Back then he probably didn't even know what it meant to like someone, let alone what being gay meant.

And he hates how a part of him feels ashamed for it.

"But… we were best friends," he whispers. He doesn't even know where he's going with this. Five minutes ago he wanted to tell his mom about his true feelings for Even but now that she's giving hints that she's always known, he's freaking out.

"Of course you were," his mother says and leans over the table to lay her hand on his, stroking it gently to apaise him. "You used to be best friends. And now, correct me if I'm wrong but, I think you're something else. And there is nothing wrong with it. You know that, right?"

He thinks he knows, has always known, but to remember it every day is still a work in progress. The same way he knew in his heart that his mother wouldn't mind, but was still scared to tell her, because she's a woman of faith; she has a Bible on her nightstand and she goes to Church every Sunday. She's always been open-minded but it doesn't mean she would support his own son being  _ one of them _ . Isak has never been entirely sure.

He knows for sure now, though. Because his mother is holding his hand and smiling at him. 

She loves him still.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me, sweetheart?" She asks after a while, to break the silence.

"Yes. Kinda. Yes," he stumbles on his words. He has to take a deep breath to calm himself down. "I wanted to tell you that I like Even and I want to be with him.

"Why aren't you with him already?"

"I'm waiting for him," he says carefully. It sounds about right. After their walk together, after what happened in front of his building, Isak is pretty sure Even wants him as much as he does. He's just… not ready. So he's waiting.

It's okay. He has waited almost ten years to see Even again, he could wait a bit longer to be with him the way he's craving to.

"Don't worry," his mother stands up and moves close to him, "he likes you just as much."

"How do you know?" 

He truly believes his mother can read him perfectly, but Even? She's only seen him once recently, at the reunion dinner, and Even was nothing but cold and distant with him.

Still standing next to him, his mother bends over to kiss the top of his head. "Because after you asked me if you could marry him, you went to him and asked the same question. Of course, he said yes."

"Right," Isak rolls his eyes with a smile. "I still don't remember any of it."

"I remember for the both of us," she huffs, like it's obvious.

After that, they stay silent. Isak knows he doesn't have a lot of time left before his father comes back from work, and he has no desire to run into him. He's been avoiding his messages nagging him about his - disastrous - grades and he's determined to keep it that way. Isak isn't ready to tell him the truth yet.

He isn't ready to tell him the truth about a lot of things, actually.

That's why he ends up asking, "you won't tell anything to dad, right?"

His mother is quick to reassure him. "Of course not, honey. It isn't my place to say anything." And then, "you know your father loves you no matter what? He has his own very particular way to care about people he loves, but he does."

Isak snorts.  _ A very particular way _ , indeed. 

"Just… Not now."

"I won't say anything. Never," she promises him again.

Before leaving, Isak hugs his mother tight, and as he holds her, he thinks about how he's already a different person than he was when he first arrived a couple of hours ago. The person he is now is a bit more true to himself, and a bit more honest with himself as well as with others.

And it's such a fantastic feeling.


	94. Chapter 94




	95. Chapter 95




	96. Chapter 96




	97. Chapter 97




	98. Chapter 98

It's night already when they arrive at destination, but nowhere as late as the time Even used to show up there to meet Kjell and the others - people he sometimes never learnt the name of, and same in return. They had a few hanging out spots but this one is the one where _it happened_. An old abandoned skatepark where nature has started to take over its rights, surrounded by a run down wire fence for them to sneak through.

"Are you bringing me here to murder me or?" Isak tries to joke to release the tension.

Even wants to laugh, or at least smile at his attempt, but his words only remind him of what could have happened to him in this exact place and he can't find it in him to play along.

"I don't even know where to start," Even says instead. He hasn't really thought about what to tell Isak, hasn't prepared a speech. And he's only now starting to realize maybe he should have. After all, words weren't easy for him.

Thankfully Isak gets him out of his mind before he starts to panic, linking their hands together to ground him.

"Maybe… can you find a beginning? Where did it start?"

A beginning. Of course there is a beginning. Like most things in his life, it all started with Isak. It all started when-

"I had to move away because of my father's work, right? That's the beginning. I had to leave and after years spent together at all time, through the good, through the bad, you and I got separated."

Isak nods in understanding before squeezing his hands gently, silently inviting him to keep talking. So Even does.

"I never felt like I belonged there. My parents kept telling me it was normal, that I would get used to it, but I never did. It never felt like home. Oslo was home. You were home to me. But this place wasn't it." 

It's a bit too much to share his truth out loud, to open his heart so widely, while still holding Isak's gaze so he decides to avert his eyes from him. He's feeling raw and exposed, and he hopes Isak can see it as anything but rejection. It's just too much.

"I tried to find a place anyway. I didn't have any other choice, did I? And I made a few friends, at first. Not the kind I would pour my heart out to, but it was better than nothing. So it was okay for a while." 

He let his eyes wandering away, to the trees and the darkness around them, bracing himself for what's next. 

"But then I got my first manic episode. It came out of nowhere. I disappeared for two days, my parents couldn't reach out to me. I made a mess at school, broke into the swimming-pool and ran out naked. It ended up on social medias for a few hours, before my parents and the school threaten to sue those responsible. But it was too late. All of sudden I went from the perfect nobody, the outsider, to the psycho. That's all I became."

He feels Isak move next to him, right before he brings their hands to his mouth and presses them against his lips, softly kissing his cold knuckles. The intimate and careful gesture brings tears to Even's eyes and he has to bite his own tongue to focus on something else.

He waits, and so does Isak, for his emotions to settle down before speaking again.

"After graduation I decided I would go back to Oslo. That's all I've dreamed of for years and I managed to convince my parents I could do it. I was stable. And I also managed to convince myself all my problems would go away by just coming back. But of course it didn't. Because then I realized Oslo wasn't home anymore. I didn't belong anywhere."

"Why did you never contact me?" Isak asks immediately, and Even looks back at him on reflex. Because everytime Isak speaks, he can't help but give him his undivided attention.

And Isak looks confused.

"I almost did, so many times," Even confesses. "But you seemed so happy, I didn't want to ruin it."

"I seemed happy?" He frowns.

"I found your Instagram before you found mine," Even says and finally manages to force a small, weak smile. Isak grins back at him, if only for a moment before getting serious again. They really do understand each other. "And I was scared. I knew I wasn't the same person you used to know, and I couldn't stand the idea of being a disappointment in your eyes. Of you not liking me anymore. And to be honest, I'm still afraid of it. I'm afraid you only see me as a memory of what I was and you don't see who I am, now. And in a few weeks, or months if I'm lucky enough to make it last that long, you will realize you don't know me anymore. I'm not the Even you liked and I'm not worth it anymore. And I will be left with nothing. At least before, I could live with the illusion that I still had us. I had our childhood. It wasn't ruined." He can hear how his voice is shaking from emotions, and so does Isak, obviously, who lets go of their hands to bring his own to Even's face. 

"Even, I don't…"

Even recoils before he has time to properly touch him and begs, "please before you say anything, let me finish."

Isak looks physically pained by the request but nods anyway.

"So I was back in Oslo but as lonely as before. Until I ended up at this… shady underground concert and met Kjell. He didn't know me but he offered me a drink, and then another. At first I thought he was hitting on me, that he was trying to get me drunk on purpose, but I was wrong. We spent the night together and nothing happened. He gave me his number and told me to text him if I felt like having fun again. And that's when I realized it was the first time in what felt like forever that I had fun. I drank and I smoked, probably did everything I shouldn't do considering my illness, but it felt good. So a few days later I texted him."

"Soon I started to skip lectures, and then I stopped showing up at all. When my parents asked, I lied. I invented stories about my friends, about my everyday life, about my nights… they had no idea. And of course I stopped taking my meds, and coupled with such habits, I lost it."

Isak makes an aborted move towards him, looking like he wants to reach out to him again but changes his mind at the last second. _Good_. Even can't let himself be comforted. He needs to go through with his story.

"The thing is, at first, I really thought they liked me for who I am. But I was wrong. They didn't care about my illness because they didn't care about me at all. They only liked all the stuff I don't like about myself. They liked my loneliness, my emptiness, my sadness, my anger... Everything that made me act reckless and stupid. Everything that made me follow them no matter the consequences."

Even looks around them, trying to picture the place months ago, inviting Isak to do the same as he tells him in a sigh, "which takes us here. It all came to a stop here." He can see the worry in Isak's eyes but he tries to ignore him. If he's bond to disappoint him, he may as well do it now. "That night was a blur. I was manic. And I drank so much I blacked out completely. I don't remember much but at the hospital, they said I got an alcohol intoxication. But that's not everything. When I lost conscience, no one called an ambulance. Kjell and the others ran away and left me all night in this fucking skatepark. A man walking his dog found me in the early morning. I was freezing." 

"Motherfuckers!" Isak exclaims, fists clenched, ready to punch Kjell and everybody else involved if only they were in front of him.

Even can feel the guilt and the shame creeping inside him so he decides to keep talking, to end it for good, and let Isak be the only judge of his worthiness after that.

"Imagine my parents when they got a call from the other side of Norway telling them their son has been found passed out in the middle of nowhere with alcohol and drugs in his blood." Months later, it still keeps Even awake at night. How could he have done this to them? "And it only got worse when they realized everything I lied about: how I dropped out of university, how I stopped taking my meds and caring about myself, and who I was really friends with. What I did with them, putting my life in danger. They lost all trust in me. They had to give up on everything to move back to Oslo and keep an eye on me!"

The words spilled out of him like a torrent, unstoppable. But at least it's finally here in the open, no secrets left. Isak knows everything. All the ugliness that is his - all the lies he told and the wrongs he did to the people he was meant to love - it's right here between them.

Even looks around him one last time, the pinnacle of his mistakes, before he walks to Isak and grabs his face between his hands. And with locked eyes and a broken voice, he tells him, "I think I almost died here. And I'm so ashamed of me because that's on me. That's my fault." Isak tries to shake his head in disagreement but Even doesn't let him. "Isak. That's who I am. That's who I became. I'm no good to you or to anyone," he finishes, left with nothing but regrets, and he releases him, stepping away from everything he has ever wanted. 

"Even, look at me," Isak calls him but he doesn't listen. "Do you really believe I think less of you after hearing all of this?" Even shrugs. Why would he not? "I don't. I admire you." This time, Even looks up and frowns. There is nothing to admire. "Yeah. I do. I admire you for surviving years of sadness and loneliness. I admire you for surviving the unfair judgement of idiots and fools who will never know your strength. I admire you for owning up to your mistakes. And you're not a bad person for making mistakes, Even. We all do. But the difference between you and the others, is that you never did anything out of meanness. You were just trying to survive. To feel accepted and loved. I see and I understand it, Even, and I wish you could see it, too, for yourself."

Even can hardly believe it. Isak isn't backing off. He isn't trying to let him down easy to get away from the problems Even is dragging everywhere with him. He has always known Isak is kind and empathetic, but there is a limit for good people too, and Even doesn't know if he deserves Isak's patience.

And even if Isak is okay with all of it now, there's no guarantee it will remain the same later. How can he be sure Isak won't change his mind? He wouldn't even blame him for it. How can he be sure Isak is seeing him for who he is today and not who he used to be years ago?

And as if lsak can read his mind, he closes the distance between them and puts his right hand on Even's chest, where his heart is beating fast.

"You think I only like the version of you I used to know, but it's not true, Even. I like you. I liked you before and I like who you are today, too, no matter how different you think you are from our childhood. I don't see the artifice. I don't see the act you're putting on in front of me. Because I can see your heart. I can feel it too. And you're the same as ever. You're the same Even Bech Næsheim I liked and cared for my whole life."

Even is at a loss of words, but it turns out, he doesn't need any, because next thing he knows Isak is putting his other hand on his shoulder for support and then he's kissing him.

He's so surprised his mind goes black for a moment. Isak is kissing him. His childhood friend, his long lost friend, his confident, his juvenile crush, his unspoken pipe dream - the boy he has loved and wanted his whole life, is kissing him.

"Even," he hears him whisper-whine against his lips, sending shivers down his spine. Isak still has a hand on his heart and he wonders if he can feel it pounding against his chest, trying to get away, maybe to become one with Isak's own heart. Like they were meant to be.

The thought finally makes him move. 

Even wraps an arm around Isak's waist and drags him closer, so they are chest to chest, beating hearts pressed together. With his available hand he picks Isak's up from his body and links their fingers, so he can bring them to Isak's cheek and hold his face in place. Slowly, Even tilts his head, their noses brushing as he changes the angle of their kiss. Isak's lips are soft and pliant despite the cold, and when he runs the tip of his tongue along his Cupid's bow, Isak opens his mouth to let out a sigh. Even takes full advantage of it to deepen the kiss, to explore Isak's inviting mouth and to drag out of him more delicate and needy sounds that surely will follow him in his dreams.

Time flies and Even has no idea how long they stand in the cold, kissing like two hungry boys who have been waiting for it their whole lives. But eventually they have to pull away to catch their breath, although it's just enough for their lips to stop touching, and Isak chuckles as he lets his body relax against Even's. His eyes are dark, his cheeks flushed and his lips wet and red from kissing. 

He's beautiful.

And he knows this boy is going to be the end of him. Now that he got a taste of heaven, Even knows he can't recover from it. And it terrifies him.

That's why his next words are out before he can fully consider it. "Please, don't break my heart," he says in a voice so shy and insecure he barely recognizes it as being his.

Isak doesn't seem hurt or annoyed by what his words imply. On the contrary, he gets even more determined, and he looks Even right in the eyes when he replies, "I wouldn't dare," voice steady and confident, before drawing him into another kiss.

And this, right here, feels like a promise Even can let himself believe in.


	99. Chapter 99




	100. Chapter 100

When Even wakes up at some point during the night, he does it the same way he remembers falling asleep: cuddled into Isak's side, their limbs tangled closely together and Isak's hair tickling his chin softly. His boy looks fast asleep, with his face pillowed on his chest and a hand curled into a fist, holding on to Even's t-shirt in the most adorable way. Even can almost feel his insides melt at the sight.

It's been a difficult and emotionally exhausting evening, but he doesn't regret any of it, because it had led him here, into Isak's bed, into his arms, and that's all he's been dreaming of. And of course he's still afraid, but he doesn't want to let this feeling control his life anymore. That's why, right here, right now, he makes the decision to ignore it as much as possible. After all, if there's one person he's always trusted, it's Isak. So he decides to trust him: with his body, with his mind, and above all, with his heart.

On this last thought, Isak moves ever so slightly in his sleep, but it's enough for a strain of hair to fall on his forehead. Even smiles, completely enamoured by the younger boy, and reaches out to tuck the curl behind his ear. Then, without taking his eyes away from him, not even for a second, he grabs the duvet to pull it up so it's covering Isak's sleeping body perfectly. Finally, Even leans in slowly, being careful not to disturb Isak's sleep, and presses a kiss on top of his precious head.

Within seconds, Even dozes off again.

*

It's dawn when Isak blinks awake.

He starts to turn around in his bed, disoriented, before the memories of the previous night come back to him, and he freezes. He knows why he woke up at such an indecent hour: the spot next to him is empty, Even just got out of the bed.

Thankfully, Isak barely has time to panic at the thought of having been abandoned before Even returns to the room with two glasses of water in his hands. Busy making sure he isn't spilling water everywhere, he doesn't notice that Isak is awake until he's sitting back on the edge of the mattress and glances over his shoulder towards Isak.

"Fuck!" He swears under his breath, startled.

"Sorry," Isak whispers, although a bit amused at his reaction.

Even turns around and offers him one of the glasses. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry." 

Isak isn't exactly thirsty, but the gesture is so gentle and caring that he takes a sip anyway.

"Thank you," he says while handing the glass back to Even, who puts it on the nightstand with his. "Come on, come back to bed." Isak requests and makes grabby hands at him.

Even smirks at his neediness, but immediately slips back under the blanket, and then opens his arms, inviting Isak to snuggle against him. 

Thrilled, Isak goes more than willingly. With a giddy smile on his lips, he lets Even reel him in closer into his comforting arms, until they are tightly intertwined again.

"Good?" Even asks above him.

Isak hums contently, before nuzzling deeper into the tender skin of Even's neck, right below his ear.

"Good," he mutters, his voice barely audible.

"Good," Even presses a smile into his hair.

And soon Even's warmth lulls him back to sleep.

*

The next time Isak wakes up, the sun is filtering through his curtains, meaning it's already mid-morning.

Once again he can't feel Even's body against his own but this time he doesn't worry; he can still hear another breath close to him. Lazily, he turns around on his other side and glances at the spot beside him to find Even lying on his stomach, face hidden into the pillow, the blanket low on his hips while his t-shirt is rolled up around his waist, revealing a stripe of white, smooth skin.

Isak lets himself stare at the sleeping body next to him, at the naked arms covered with tattoos he can see properly for the first time. He shifts closer, intrigued, and runs his eyes over the dark ink. A few drawings are based on famous paintings, some of them Isak recognizes: the lovers from The Kiss by Gustav Klimt, the flowers from Almond Blossoms by Vincent Van Gogh or the ghostly figure of The Scream by Edvard Munch. Words and sentences in different languages are also scattered across his skin, quotes and verses taken from his favorite books, Isak figures. All the elements are gracefully linked together, forming the most beautiful piece of art Isak has ever seen. For a moment he wonders whether Even is the artist behind it, but deep down, he already knows the answer.

Isak is arching to put his hands on him until he realizes this is something he's actually allowed to do now, so he finally dares to touch him. 

He starts trailing his fingers up and down Even's silky arm, tracing with his fingertips the shape of every single one of the tattoos. 

Even moves slightly at the feeling and Isak gets immediately distracted by the wave of purple hair moving on the pillow. And _here_ is another thing Isak has been dreaming of doing for a long time, so he gives in to it, too: he raises a hand and starts carding his fingers through the soft strand, earning a grunt of appreciation in return.

"Morning," Isak chuckles.

"Hm. Hello, baby," Even replies, his voice hoarse and even deeper from sleep, even when half muffled by the pillow. The sound of it definitely does _things_ to Isak, and coupled with the unexpected nickname, he feels himself blush.

Driven by a jolt of boldness though, Isak moves to straddle him, peppering kisses all over his half-hidden face, nagging him to properly wake up and pay him attention. It makes Even both laugh and groan, but he shifts his body anyway so he's facing Isak again.

"And I always thought _I_ was the early bird," Even jokes.

"I'm not," Isak argues; _but I can't sleep when you're lying in my bed,_ he holds back to say.

Isak takes him in then, his gaze drifting over his soft and sleepy features and just how beautiful he looks, even first thing in the morning. _Especially_ first thing in the morning, when he's unguarded and relaxed.

"Staring at me again, I see," Even whispers, smirking at him, and Isak can't resist him; he has to lean over and capture his mouth.

Even welcomes him greedily, kissing back with enthusiasm as his own hands easily find the younger boy's hips. Even in his wildest dreams, he's never dared to imagine himself so lucky. And yet, here he is, with Isak sitting on top of him. Isak, who touches him like he's something precious. Isak, who maps his lips carefully with his tongue, taking a particular interest in his two piercings.

"Well, good morning to me," Even teases, breaking the kiss to catch his breath, and maybe to try to compose himself, too, a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation - but in a good way. Everything feels good.

Isak laughs, lips pressed in the corner of his mouth. "Good morning to us," he corrects, and then moves slowly to curl up against him. Even marvels at the sight of his beautiful boy.

And surely for the both of them, it's the best morning they have woken up to in a long time, if not ever; so they let themselves bathe together in those shared feelings of giddiness and contentment.


	101. Chapter 101




	102. Chapter 102

_**\+ a long awaited change of contact name** _


	103. Chapter 103




	104. Chapter 104




	105. Chapter 105




	106. Chapter 106




	107. Chapter 107




	108. Chapter 108




	109. Chapter 109




	110. Chapter 110




	111. Chapter 111




	112. Chapter 112




	113. Chapter 113




	114. Chapter 114




	115. Chapter 115

Isak knows something's wrong the second he steps inside his apartment with Even by his side, and Magnus almost jumps at him, panicked written all over his face.

"I texted you," he says with wide eyes. 

"What?" 

"It's your father. He came looking for you. I told him you weren't home but he said he was paying half of the rent so he would wait for you inside. I think he's going through your stuff in your room," Magnus explains in a hurry.

"What the fuck," is all Isak manage to say. He's speechless. It sounds so much like something his dad would do but on the other hand, he can't believe he really has the nerves to show up at his place and to touch his belongings without his agreement.

"I'm sorry, Isak," Magnus keeps going, looking scared, as if he's genuinely afraid Isak is going to blame him for it. "I tried to stop him but he said-"

"Magnus, it's not your fault," he cuts him off immediately, and Even reaches for his roommate and squeezes his shoulder gently in comfort. "You did nothing wrong."

Isak doesn't have time to read the relief on his face because his father steps out of his bedroom and walks to the common area, with papers in his hand. 

"Finally!" He exclaims loudly. He stops dead in his tracks though as soon as he notices Even. That's also when Isak remembers he's still holding Even's hand. 

He lets go in a blink of the eye.

"What are you doing here?!" He asks then, a mix of worry and anger in his voice.

"What are you doing here _with him_ , is the real question," his father retorts, staring at Even with all the judgment and disdain that Isak knows he's capable of.

Isak can feel the way Even's body go rigid and tensed beside him.

"It's none of your business," Isak says but his voice is weak. He feels so small in front of his father and he doesn't know how to change that.

"Oh, I think it is, Isak. Are you two together? Are you kidding me?!"

"It's nothing, just drop it," Isak brushes it off. He's not discussing his relationship with his dad, not when he's acting so hostile. "What were you doing in _my_ room?!" 

His father seems to forget about Even as he starts shaking the sheets of paper right under Isak's nose. That's when Isak finally realizes what it is: his disastrous exams' results. He must have went through his school work on his desk.

"You have no right to-"

"Don't start! You had no right to lie to me and yet here we are," his dad angrily cuts him off. "This," he adds, before throwing his exams on the ground, "is trash. What are you even doing?! Do you want to fail?!" Isak doesn't have time to protest before his father looks up at Even and goes after him again, "this is the kind of bad influence I was talking about."

"Leave Even alone!" He argues, although it sounds childish, even to his own ears.

His father snorts and glances at Even. "No, you leave my son alone. Stay away from him."

Isak is too ashamed to turn around and look at Even's reaction, but he can imagine how hard Even is holding back from snapping at his douchebag of a father.

"You can't tell me or Even if we can be friends or not, we aren't kids anymore!" Isak tries to step in between them before his father goes too far with his words and hurts Even, if it's not already done.

"You sure are behaving like a child, Isak. And last time I checked, I'm still your father."

"This is my life!"

"Yes, and you're ruining it with your laziness. So I really hope you're telling me the truth and you're not getting too involved with him, on top of everything else," his father states, not even bothering to acknowledge Even's presence or using his name anymore. Isak is so stunned by his behavior that he can't even find the words to defend Even or himself.

He can't believe this is happening in the first place.

"Get your shit together," he concludes, before walking past him and to the exit.

And his father leaves the apartment without Isak finding the right response to counter him.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asks after a while, and Isak completely forgot his presence during this whole mess.

"Huh, yes?" he answers, but it sounds like a question. Is he okay?

At that, Even walks away from them and disappears inside Isak's bedroom.

But more important; _is Even okay?_

"I will…" Isak starts but Magnus nods in understanding.

When Isak follows Even in his room, he didn't expect him to be… packing his clothes, his sketchbook and a few of his other belongings into his backpack, as if getting ready to leave.

"Even? What are you doing?"

No answer.

Is Even seriously going to listen to his father's words and "leave him alone"?!

"My father is an asshole. Don't listen to him," he tries again.

This time, Even stops what he's doing and turn around to face him. And he looks hurt. He looks offended. He looks stunned. But above all, he looks angry - at _Isak_.

"I don't give a fuck about what your dad says. I give a fuck about what you say and you've been pretty clear, Isak."

"What?!" 

"You said we were nothing. You called us friends," Even clarifies, spitting out the words like it's something disgusting he needs to get rid of.

"I- I didn't mean it like that, Even! You know that!" Isak exclaims, panic rising inside him. He has never seen Even looking this mad, and especially not mad at _him_.

"I don't know shit, that's the thing. I only know what I see and what I hear, and you didn't stand up for us at all," his voice is shaking by the end, and he turns away from Isak to start packing again.

_I hurt him._

"I was… it's just so hard to talk with him. I just wanted him to leave. I'm sorry, Even, believe me! Don't leave, please," he starts to beg. It's definitely not something he's above of. For Even, he's ready to do anything.

Too bad he didn't do everything he could a few minutes ago when he had the opportunity…

Even zips up his bag and throws it over his shoulder. "You know, I remember you used to stand up, not only for me, but also for yourself. Even when it was your dad. What happened? Why can't you be honest with him? Tell him you hate medicine and you won't be a doctor. Tell him you don't want the life he's pushing on you. Just tell him the fucking truth for once!"

It strikes him how true everything he says is. Over the years, Isak has stopped fighting for himself when it comes to his father. He chose to obey him, because it was easier, but lost himself in it.

It has been a mistake all along. 

"I will! I swear I will!" 

"Good for you," Even mutters, not looking at him as he starts walking towards the door. Isak panics and grabs him by the sleeve. 

"Stop! What are you doing? Don't leave, I said I was sorry! I will do better!"

"Isak," he sighs. Isak can hear the pain in his voice and can feel the heartbreak coming even before Even speaks again, "you're _ashamed_ of me. You dropped my hand as if I was something _dirty_ when your father saw us. You told him we were _nothing_. After I spent weeks warning you! I told you I changed but you promised you liked me the way I am. And yet, you're clearly ashamed of me!" Even's voice breaks into a sob and it shatters Isak's heart to the ground. He can't believe he hurt Even so bad. He can't believe he let him down and broke his promise. 

"I'm not ashamed of you, I lo-" He stutters but Even cuts him off.

"I knew it was coming. I've always known and yet I let you talk me into this anyway. But I can't be with someone who's ashamed of me. I won't do it. It won't work. We won't work," he says, and it sounds final. Like Even already made his decision.

It leaves Isak with a lump of fear and pain in the throat. He can't speak, can't think, and can barely breath as he watches Even recoil from him, turns his back from him, and then leaves the room.

_What do you mean it won't work, it can't be, it can't be, it-_

When the front door shuts down loudly into the flat, Isak breaks down in tears.


	116. Chapter 116




	117. Chapter 117




	118. Chapter 118




	119. Chapter 119




	120. Chapter 120




	121. Chapter 121

_ I asked you not to break my heart but you did anyway. _

Isak hasn't heard from Even for days. He's been so close to calling Even's parents so many times but he knows it will only make it worse. He's avoiding him on purpose. He's mad at him. Maybe he hates him, for all he knows. And Isak can't blame anyone but himself.

He didn't go to any of his lectures, not that he ever cared anyway. He barely leaves his room, only does when Magnus knocks at his door until he can't ignore him any longer and has to get up to eat something with him. Vilde and Chris came to see him too, a couple of days ago. They didn't say much, just hugged him for a long time.

He doesn't deserve his friends. The same way he doesn't deserve Even.

And then, days after Even left his apartment on a final break up, Isak wakes up in the morning and finally finds a message from Even on his phone. 

_ I asked you not to break my heart but you did anyway. _

He's right. He did and he regrets it more than anything. But he also knows he loves Even more than he has ever loved anyone, and probably ever will, so he needs to fix it. Starting with telling the truth. Starting with facing his father and standing up for himself, like he always should have.

That day, Isak knows exactly when his mother isn't home, volunteering at Church. His father should be back from work already though, so it's the perfect opportunity.

The surprise is evident on his father's face when he opens the door for him. Isak gets in without waiting for a word from him and he walks straight to the living-room.

"Isak?" He calls after him, but follows him anyway. "What-"

"Sit down," Isak cuts him off, gesturing at the couch. 

"Excuse me?!" His father takes offence; because of course, he does. No son of his should be allowed to talk to him like this. But this time, Isak isn't having it.

"Sit. Down," he repeats, but harsher. Determined.

And it makes Terje shut up, for once. His father glances at him with wide eyes, stunned, but eventually, walks to sit on the couch as requested. Isak doesn't move, would rather stand for this.

He takes a deep breath before talking again.

"I hate medicine," he starts. "I don't care about medicine. And I've been lying about it for too long because I wanted to make you proud  _ so  _ bad, but it's never enough, isn't it? And what's the point anyway if I'm miserable."

His father looks genuinely shocked, as if he never had any suspicion that Isak hated it. Funny how the whole world could tell but his own father was the last one to know.

"I didn't know you felt that way," his dad confirms Isak's theory. He's calm and steady when he speaks, in contrast with Sunday's outburst. "I don't want you to be miserable. I was trying to show you the kind of life you could have."

Isak can't believe what he's hearing. "And what kind of life is that?!"

"You think I'm happy with what I do?!" Terje raises his voice a bit, but he seems angry at himself, not at Isak. "Being stuck in an office all day, having crazy working hours and for what? It's a meaningless job. I wanted you to have  _ more _ . I always wanted to be a doctor but I wasn't smart like you. I didn't have supportive parents either. I just… I thought you would love it. You love science."

"I love astrophysics," Isak corrects him immediately. 

"What?"

"That's what I love in science. That's what I want to do. I want to be a doctor, but not the kind you've been wishing for," he explains.

His father looks at him for a long time, as if he's trying to figure out if he's telling the truth. Or like he's seeing his own son for the first time, like,  _ really _ seeing him.

"It's… Fine," he says eventually. "Whatever makes you happy, Isak."

Isak snorts in disbelief. "Oh, so now you care about my happiness? Since when is it more important than yours?"

"It's always been, Isak! You and your happiness are the only things worth something in my life," Terje protests, indignant. "I only wanted you to have the best options, unlike me. I wanted you to have a successful and rewarding career, because you're brilliant and I know you can do anything. I wanted you to find someone stable in your life, to have a family."

And here it is; the real issue. 

"You mean you want me to marry a  _ woman _ and have kids."

The thing is, Isak knows his father isn't homophobic, or let's say, not in a "straightforward hate way". But he's conservative, he likes things to be in the norm, and having a gay son wasn't exactly in his plans. 

"Isak. It's not like that." He retorts, but Isak raises an eyebrow at him and it's enough to make him sigh in defeat. "Yes, of course that's what I had in mind. But I have no problem with you being gay, if this is what you are. I just… You never told me, that's all. But it's fine. Like I said, I only want you to be happy."

Isak slowly takes the information in. It's better than what he expected coming from him.

"I'm happy with Even," he says then, making it clear that it isn't only about him being gay. It's about him being in love with Even, someone his father apparently hates for no reason. The proof is, on his words, Terje makes an annoyed face. "What's your problem with him?! Are you for real?!" Isak loses his cool.

"Listen, Isak," his father replies, raising his hands in the air in a gesture to calm him down. "I love your mother but living with someone who has a mental illness isn't easy. You know that more than anyone. So I only want things to be easier for you." 

It hits Isak like a slap. He wonders if his mother knows what his father thinks (she probably does, because she  _ always  _ knows everything). He wonders how his father can project his own feelings on Even, as if he's responsible for Isak's mom illness  _ and _ his own. Terje wants everything to be so perfect that he forgot how no one is. And no one chooses not to be either.

Although, in Isak's eyes, Even is perfect for him.

So; "Easy doesn't mean better!" Isak exclaims. "I'm happy with him, you understand? Or at least, I was, before everything got ruined when you showed up!"

His father opens and then closes his mouth without a word. He's watching Isak, his eyes looking for something, until he finally finds it-

The heartbreak written all over his son features.

"If you want to be with him, you will work it out. That's what you always do," he says with a soft voice Isak can't remember having heard coming from him in years. The last time he did, he was still a kid.

But it settles something inside Isak. He told the truth and now everything is in the open. There is nothing left to do regarding his father. All he cares about now, it's to win Even back.

"I'm gonna make my own decisions now," Isak concludes. "That you approve or not. And if you don't, if you mess with my life again the way you did the other day, I swear I will never forgive you. You will never see me again, understood?"

Terje stares at him in shock, but ends up nodding in agreement. So Isak walks away.

"Wait, Isak?" He calls him back. Isak stops and turns around. "I'm sorry. I really am."

His father looks sincere. Vulnerable, even. Maybe there is hope.

"Good."

Isak leaves his parents house liberated, and with hope in his heart.

He can fix everything. He can mend Even's heart, and his own at the same time.


	122. Chapter 122




	123. Chapter 123




	124. Chapter 124




	125. Chapter 125




	126. Chapter 126

_(TW: mind the tags please)_

*incoming call from Even 💜*

" **Even? Are you okay? I was about to call you!** "

*whispering* "I'm sorry..."

" **You did nothing wrong. Where are you?** "

_*laughing in the background*_

" **Are you with Kjell?** "

"I don't feel well…"

" **Fuck!** "

"Please come-"

_*unknown voice in the background, "who are you calling Bech Næsheim?", followed by more laughing*_

"Isak, can you-"

_*muffled sound in the background, as if Even fell down on the ground*_

" **Tell me where you are. I'm on my way, baby. Just tell me!** "

*sounding high, almost delirious* "I- I almost died here. And then you saved me."

" **Ok, I'm coming! Even, did you take something?** "

*silence, just voices in the background*

" _I don't know._ "

*noise of broken glasses and voices getting closer*

_"I think they put-"_

*end of call from Even 💜*


	127. Chapter 127

_ (TW: mind the tags please) _

Isak isn't sure how he remembers the way to the abandoned skatepark that well, but he does, because after running to the point of almost passing out from the lack of oxygen, he arrives in front of the gutted wire mesh.

It's pitch dark, like the first time he came here with Even, but this time it's not so quiet - he can hear the yelling and laughter of a bunch of young people in the distance. And Isak knows that this is where he will find Even.

To say that he's worried is an awful euphemism: his heart beats wildly, reasoning all the way to his ears, and it has nothing to do with his running, it's an expression of his devouring fear. He doesn't know what he's going to find. He doesn't know why Even has interrupted their call and the most pessimistic scenarios are running through his mind.

There is no time to waste, however, so he takes a determined step forward.

Quickly, Isak sees a small group of about ten people, mostly guys. He feels their interrogative eyes landing on him but he ignores them, only give them importance just long enough to notice that none of them are Even.

Actually, he can't see Even anywhere.

Panic is rising inside him again when one of them come to him. 

"Are you lost?" The guy asks, smirking at him.

"I'm looking for Even. Even Bech Næsheim," he says, hoping with all his might that this dude, no matter how untrustworthy he seems, will lead him to him.

"I know," he answers, and a few other guys start laughing.

Isak has a very bad feeling about all of this.

"Where is he?!" He asks anyway, and looks around in a hurry, desperate to find a glimpse of purple hair.

Another one gets closer and hands a bottle in Isak's direction, offering it to him. "Just have a drink. Relax. He's taking a little nap, okay?"

Isak ignores him. He doesn't even have time to point out how it's freezing and Even shouldn't be lying somewhere, sleeping, after drinking or taking who knows what!

"Where is he?!" He exclaims, louder, losing his calm entirely. 

"Over there," the first guy who came to him tells him, pointing at something in the distance. He's still smiling, like the situation is funny to him.

Isak runs. He doesn't see much, has to use his phone as a flashlight, until he finds Even half-lying against a low wall. 

His heart skips a beat. "Even?"

_ Please, please, tell me I'm not too late. Answer me. Tell me you're alright _ .

Even isn't alright, but he's somewhat conscious, because he starts moving, even if it's barely visible, and his eyes flutter open for a few seconds before shutting again.

"Isak," Even whispers weakly and Isak literally throws himself to the ground next to him to hold him into his arms. He rubs his hands all over his back and arms in an attempt to warm him up.

"I'm here," Isak says. At this point, he doesn't know if he's saying it to Even or to himself. Probably both. "I'm here, you're okay. I'm taking you home. Can you stand up? Do you think you can do it?"

It's a complicated and slow affair, but Isak manages to get up with Even glued to his side. Even's body seems so fragile, but with Isak's help, he manages to stand up and to walk with him.

"Are you leaving already?" Someone yells after them as he's taking Even back to the main road. He ignores whoever that is and so does Even, who clings to him even tighter, like he's scared Isak would let go.

But Isak's never letting him go ever again.

It feels like forever before they finally get back on the road. Isak helps Even sit down on the edge of the sidewalk while he fletches his phone to order an uber. And then, they wait.

"Yo! Where are you going?" 

Isak turns around to see the guy - who barely helped him find Even - running to them. For a second, he fears that he's going to be a problem but he's alone, and he doesn't seem aggressive. Just annoying.

"It's none of your business," Isak retorts, and glances at Even briefly. He's resting his head against his knees so Isak can't see his face but he's also rocking himself slowly to warm himself up, which at least means he's still awake. 

"He's going to be okay, don't worry," the guy has the nerves to reassure him. "We just gave him something to relax. But it's nothing he didn't take in the past. He will be just fine."

Isak is brought back to the phone call, to how Even couldn't tell if he had taken anything. And of course he couldn't: because clearly they gave it to him without his knowledge, probably put something in his drink.

_ Fucking assholes _ .

Isak sees red.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Hm. Kjell?"

_ Of course it's you _ .

Isak throws his fist in Kjell-piece-of-trash's face before he has even consciously taken the decision to do so, but he doesn't regret it one bit. He's not a violent person by any means, but everybody has a limit, and apparently a piece of shit manipulating and hurting the love of his life is his limit.

Kjell lets out a cry, most likely a combination of surprise and pain, and then stumbles backwards until he falls against the fence. 

Isak keeps standing, ready to hit him again if he needs to. Because he doesn't know if Kjell, on the other hand, is a violent person or not. According to Vilde's rumours, he should be the type of guy to call all of his friends right now and beat Isak up for revenge but that's not the version he got from Even.

He hopes Even's version is the right one, to be honest.

"What the fuck?!" Kjell yells back at him, his hand touching his nose for a bit before he leans back to stare at his bloody fingers. Isak knows he didn't punch him hard enough to break his nose, but it still has to hurt.

_ Good _ .

"Stay away from Even, got it?! You're done messing with him! Don't contact him ever again, just forget about him. Or else I swear I will-" He's interrupted by a hand squeezing his leg gently.

_ Even _ .

He forgets all about Kjell and his bleeding face, and focuses all his attention back on him. Even doesn't say anything but he raises his head high enough to cast a sad glance at Isak, while his hands continue to brush the jeans under his fingers as a sign of comfort. 

_ Let it go _ , Even seems to be telling him.  _ He doesn't matter anymore _ .

So Isak let go. And so does Kjell, who gets up again, a hand still pressed on his nose, and starts to walk away. He only pauses once, far away from Isak so he's sure he won't get punched again, and he says with a shaking voice, "I only wanted him to have fun."

Isak doesn't say anything back, nor does Even, and Kjell disappears into the darkness.

Soon, the uber arrives. Isak gets Even inside the car and he hugs him all the way through the journey to his apartment, as relief finally washes over him.

Even is safe and sound. Everything's going to be okay.


	128. Chapter 128




	129. Chapter 129

When Even wakes up, he does with a pair of green eyes carefully watching him.

For a while, he can't remember how he has ended up here. He just remembers being hurt and mad at Isak, but now that he's lying in a bed with him, he doesn't feel anything but comfort and fondness towards him.

That is, until the memories of the previous night come rushing inside his mind, and with them, an unwanted headache and a sickness in his stomach.

He fucked up, again. He called Kjell and he went back to his old demons.

But Isak saved him from it.

"How do you feel?" Isak asks him with a soft voice. "Are you thirsty? Do you want to eat something?"

Even hears him but he's too disoriented to answer right away. He peeks at the curtains behind Isak and tries to figure out how late it is - in vain.

"What time is it?" His voice is hoarse and he definitely could use some water.

"Beginning of the afternoon. You needed to rest."

For a while none of them say anything else. Isak is lying on his side on the covers, looking more than awake. He's probably been watching over him for hours, and Even can't help but feel guilty. His memories are still a blur but he knows it means he was in a pathetic state the previous night, and Isak has witnessed all of it.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Isak interrupts his train of thoughts.

Surprised, Even focuses back on him, and notices how unsure he looks, like he's afraid he's overstepping simply by lying next to him. As if it isn't Isak's bed and Isak's bedroom in the first place. As if Even isn't the one who called him in the middle of the night.

So, "of course not," Even replies, and then gets his hand out of the blanket to find his way to Isak's waist, squeezing the curve gently.

It makes Isak smile in relief. "Okay. That's chill."

After, they get back at staring at each other, enjoying the comfortable silence between them. Time stops for them, in the safety of the shared bed, in the warmth of their close bodies.

It's Isak who decides to break it. First, by moving his arm, reaching for Even. His hand finds the top of his head, carding his fingers through his hair softly until Even almost feels like falling back asleep. Then Isak trails his fingers on his face, following the shape of his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones meeting his jaw, until he pauses in the corner of his mouth. That's when Even moves just a bit and presses a kiss on his fingertips, a silent "thank you" and a "I'm grateful to have you" and finally, a "I still feel the same about you".

And second, Isak opens his heart to him. 

"Remember when I said you were the same Even I liked and cared for my whole life?" It takes Even by surprise, but soon enough he remembers the night he has taken Isak where, a few months ago, he thought he'd hit bottom. Little did he know he would end up in the same place again, repeating the same mistakes, except this time Isak was there to save him from himself. "I was lying back then," Isak says, making Even frown nervously at him. Is that it? Is it Isak changing his mind?

But of course not. He wouldn't.

"The truth is, you're the same Even I  _ loved  _ and cared for my whole life. I really do. And I always will."

It takes Even way too long to realize that lsak has just confessed that he loves him. Long enough for him to miss the opportunity to say it back - because he obviously does love him too. He's pretty sure he has loved him all his life.

Isak continues. "I was never ashamed of you. Even, I wish you knew how much I look up to  _ you _ . You're the bravest person I know! You never apologize for who you are. If anything, you're the one who should be ashamed of  _ me _ . I was such a coward. I'm so sorry."

"Don't," Even speaks up immediately. "Don't say that about yourself. I know it's complicated with your father and I shouldn't have made it about myself.  _ I'm  _ sorry."

"Well, at least it made me talk to my father. After… I went to see him and I told him everything. About university. About you. Everything, really."

Out of instinct, Even pulls him closer to him. "How did it go?"

"Good. Surprisingly good," Isak smiles.

"I'm happy for you. And I'm sorry I wasn't here to support you," Even apologizes again, sincerely guilty. He doesn't even know how he could have doubted Isak in the first place.

"It's fine, it's something I had to do by myself anyway," Isak brushes it off, but noticing Even pout, he adds, "let's agree that from now on we will always talk things over. No one leaves. We stay and we communicate. Deal?"

Even can't help but grin at his boyfriend. He always has the right words.

He moves closer, always closer, until he's cradling Isak's face into his hands and he whispers, "deal," against his lips. Isak goes pliant under his touch and Even marvels at the sight.  _ His _ boy. "Isak?" 

Isak hums in question.

"I love you."

And it makes Isak smile, smile, smile; lighting up the whole room, as they seal it with a kiss.


	130. Chapter 130




	131. Chapter 131




	132. Chapter 132




	133. Chapter 133




	134. Chapter 134

When Isak comes home after, indeed, a very productive morning, he finds Even sitting on the couch in dark sweatpants and a grey hoodie that definitely is Isak's. 

Isak loves how easily it became a habit, going home and knowing that if Even wasn't already there waiting for him, he would be there soon enough, once he got out of class or finished his work shift. In the past few weeks, he has spent almost all his time at the flatshare, and Magnus was far from complaining - actually, he looked even more delighted than Isak every time he saw Even in their apartment. Sometimes Vilde and Chris would come by and greet Even like he was living there, too.

Isak loves it. He's happy for Even, and he's happy because he sees how happy it makes Even, too. Because now he knows he belongs here, with him, with them.

"Halla," Isak greets him as he walks to him. He notices a weird, heady smell before noticing what Even has been doing.

"Halla, baby," Even replies with the widest smile. 

Isak sits beside him, being careful not to disturb him. Even puts the small bottle of black nail polish on the table before leaning over Isak and pecks him on the lips. 

"See? That's why Vilde keeps talking about makeup with you," Isak teases him. 

Even snorts, and then grabs a bottle of slightly glittery nail polish. "Give me your hand."

"No way."

"Isak?" Even raises his eyebrows at him expectantly and Isak knows it's a lost cause. He gives in and gives him his hand, but not without a petty roll of eyes and a pout. Even smirks in victory. "Thank you."

They sit face to face, legs folded. Isak keeps his eyes on his boyfriend as he gets all serious and focused on his task, applying the nail polish with the precision of an expert. He's biting on his lower lip, like he always does when he's fully absorbed by something, and Isak can't help but reach out and brush a finger on his lips. If he were a poet, he would write hundreds of poems about those lips.

Even takes a quick look at him before he opens his mouth and playfully bites the tip of his finger.

"Dick," Isak rolls his eyes again. He only withdraws his hand because he doesn't want to distract Even more when he's painting his nails. He's going to get enough shit from Magnus and the girls as it is. No need to ruin his boyfriend's work.

"Your other hand, please."

Isak complies once again and keeps his gaze on him. 

"Stop staring at me, you're distracting," Even complains at some point and Isak scoffs. The nerves of this man.

"Then hurry," Isak replies just to piss him off. 

"You don't rush the work of an artist, Isak." And Isak can't argue with that.

"By the way? Pink suits you."

It takes Isak way too long to realize he's not using a sappy line on him but that he's actually referring to his pink pullover. 

"Oh. Thanks. My mom gave it to me a long time ago but I felt too embarrassed to wear it," he says without thinking twice about it. He's being honest, because there is nothing he can't tell Even. It's liberating.

"I'm glad you're wearing it now. You're quite the sight," Even grins at him. Isak doesn't have the words to reply to him but it doesn't seem necessary. Even knows. He always does.

A couple of minutes later, Even seems satisfied. But when Isak leans over, ready to take his face into his hands and kiss him, Even stops him, grabbing his wrists to hold them separately in each of his hands, an indignant expression on his face. 

"What the fuck?!" 

"You need to let it dry! You can't touch me - or anything else - for at least 10 minutes."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Even retorts, actually looking way too serious about this. Isak sighs in defeat.

"Well it's torture."

Even chuckles at his dramatic act. Still carefully holding Isak's wrists on each side of their bodies, he bends and presses a teasing kiss on his lips.

"There. Now wait 10 minutes."

Isak huffs in annoyance, although has to bite back a smile. He's so in love with this dork. The only person he would ever wear nail polish for. And probably the only person he would pretty much do anything for.

"What are you thinking about?" Even asks with a soft smile. His thumbs are drawing soothing patterns over the thin skin of Isak's wrists, over his pulse point.

"You."

Even must have not expected him to say  _ that _ because his cheeks turn red.  _ Cute _ .

"I'm thinking," he adds then, "how next year is going to be so much better than any year before."

Even's eyes are shining, like maybe he already knows what Isak is going to say, but he asks anyway in a small voice, "why do you think that?".

Isak leans towards him again, and Even meets him halfway, stopping right before their lips meet. He brushes their noses together though, and Isak can feel his insides melt at how tender it is.

"Because we'll be together."

Even's breath shudders at his words. "And it can only be better when we're together?"

Isak smiles and nods. "Exactly, baby."


	135. Chapter 135

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's yet another AU coming to an end! 
> 
> From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this story and sharing your thoughts with me. I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as I enjoyed revisiting this AU. 💜
> 
> Follow me on the next adventure (which is kinda a real adventure, since it's about evak travelling, hehe), here: [an invisible string](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26934157/chapters/65733571). ;)


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